Busy life

Haven't got much time to blog this week, anyone missed me?

After lesson on Tuesday, went down to People's Park to buy return tickets for Nepal. We could have got it at $700+, but then coming back there wasn't any cheap seats on the third week of June (I suppose all the families travelling with kids need to come back by then also), and so had to settle for more expensive tickets at just over $800. Went to Campers' Corner, bought a beanie for my head, a sleeping bag, paid for a pair of new Chacos that will come next week, and a waterproof map case. I can't wait to use the last item - just looking at it make me think of my upcoming paddling trip to Tioman.

Wednesday - Watched 'V for Vendetta' after lessons, was not a bad movie, but I'm a lousy critic so can't say much. I'm happy so long as it pander to my taste for action ha.

Thursday was spent studying for my dance test, horribly mindless memorisation of information. But pulled through the test splendidly today, and then played badminton, table tennis, and finally floorball just now, what an eventful day! It's a shame these days will be gone real soon...

Weekend's coming, I'm gonna be out and offline again. Polo, badminton, the works. Have a great weekend too!

Job done!

Woohoo! Assessment for sports have ended! Badminton assessment was easy, not much required, but an overdose of it is making my right shoulder and forearm aching horribly. Dance was tested in the morning, was drawn to be tested on 'La Bastringue', and managed to get good feedback for my performance. The semester's worth of hopping around makes my lateral metatarsals ache every morning I wake up and stand over them however.

Whatever...it's time to rest and recuperate!

A demanding career

Beside teaching colleges being blamed for the inadequacy of the education system, at a lower level it is surely clear to all that the teaching profession must be one of the most demanding job. On the one hand it seems that teachers are widely recognised as perhaps the most important role models tochildren and young adults (why else would any crimes or offensess committed by teachers be considered a scandalous incident?), yet teachers are hardly rewarded well enough for their difficulties.

Having to juggle administrative work, marking and setting assignments, planning lessons, providing counselling services, being virtuous role models, they face bureaucratic barriers in trying to solve problems differently, blame from parents for not doing the duties that the parents themselves neglected, and disrespect and apathy from students too young to know what's good for themselves. The pay hardly compensate well enough for such trauma, but for the promise of being remembered by some of the students in their future for teaching them some indelible lessons that will stay with them, I must resolve to try my best in this career.

Semester's end

The semester's coming to a close. The calender pages in my organiser get tossed out steadily, the few assignments left are manageable and negligible, and I'm gonna slowly move my stuff back home already. Soon the holidays will come, and I'll be spending the days happily, easily. Then comes a month of school attachment, and then back to school, taking lessons for a new subject, a living in a new room most probably, if I do get one. I can see endless group projects coming my way, the disgusting need to negotiate my way in classroom/group politics, and myself sweating in the sun playing football and netball. Late dinners, late nights. A tiredness that will leave me paralysed at my seat.

Strangely, I rather not have the semester end at all.

'Whadya lookin at?"

Cats have so much character, sometimes I think they are more 'attitude' than people...

Schooling angst

Imagine, I'm gonna go out to teach and here I am being so angsty about school work. I'm like "Fuck it all! I don't give a damn what grade I get so long as I pass!!" And I think not many people can tell me why I should work hard in NIE anyway. Next time how to convince my students to work hard?

Probably the assumption of roles dictates the attitude; you just wanna slack as a student and get kids to study hard when you're a teacher or a parent. And it's just unfortunate some things in school really pisses me off to no end. Thank goodness I'm teaching PE and Literature - even though the latter is examinable, exams are never the be-all and end-all for that subject.

Yes I know I sound like a bloody spoilt brat. But it's nice to throw a tantrum sometimes.

Irritating day...

Today irritated me to no end, perhaps starting with my lack of sleep.

- Badminton class: Played my table's final match with Sher Chong, with lunch in my stomach still and my strokes strange and unfamiliar, hardly able to keep up a rally beyond 4-5 returns. Played nonetheless, and hit the shuttle out of court so often that I gifted him with straight points. Strings were so loose I had to align them after every point, and halfway through the string broke. Lost to him eventually 14-9; all credits to him for his composure, but I know I can do so much better.

- Talking about the camp after that made me irritated again - I'm pissed to no end with people asking me to plan for an activity when they have no idea what they want out of it themselves. Gonna just crap out a plan and execute it, good riddance. This PESS camp is a screwed up idea. I can't wait to hear what they are gonna teach us for the lectures.

- Having done an hour of crapping for the anatomy lab manuals, I discovered that there is a third manual which I missed and didn't do. I'm already fed up with having to do everything in the manuals which she did not go through with us, and now there's even more? Fuck it. I handed up what I had and refuse to print and copy answers for the 3rd lab.

Thankfully Qin Li-Wei's cello recital was worth my time, and he generously played 3 encores after the already substantial programme. Bravo!

Dawn on the water

Last Saturday, dawn - I set off from PC very early on a sea kayak, paddling down to Changi Coast MOE campsite for the PESS camp recce. The sun was just peering over the clouds still, shrugging off its covers and revealing its brillance in a matter of minutes. This is one of those moments which I live for, seeing natural beauty in solitude and peace, in a kayak with no one else around.

Facilitation

Some outdoor educators have no clue as to what facilitation means; others have heard of the term, have a sketchy idea of it, and then bandied the term around when talking to other people in the outdoors as a show of their expertise in the field.

I recall a certain incident - at a camp where I was employed as a kayaking instructor to run the kayaking segment of the itinerary, I was asked by an official, whose position formally placed him as an expert in the field of outdoor education, to "do some facilitation" to the kids after the end of the session. Now, what's wrong with that?

Plenty. First, I was employed in the capacity of a technical instructor, and therefore am not obliged to engage in the facilitation process. Second, obligations aside, what business have I to effect facilitation processes with the children when no organising member of the camp asks of that from me, and therefore I have no idea about the objective/theme of the camp, and the intended outcome of the kayaking activity? Thirdly, facilitation is not feedback - feedback is a direct response to the activity. I can do the latter, but not the former, going back to reason number two.

Forth, facilitation needs to be planned, and the process should not be conjured up spontaneously. Fifth, After the activity, the children were restless, excited, tired etc, and that is not a time when you will want facilitation to be done - it will be more appropriate to apply facilitation processes to the students at the end of the day probably.

So. I did a cursory feedback as is appropriate and mandatory for every kayaking session, and left it as it is - the children will benefit no more from any more talk from me. To wannabe outdoor educators out there: please know your stuff before speaking out loud. Read this entry if you want to know what will happen otherwise.

Bike commuting

I always think of the travelling expenses that I will save in commuting from place to place on my bicycle, but I just realised that most of the time I spend more than that amount of savings on food to satisfy my ravenous appetite after each trip.

Nonetheless, in most cases I get to my destination faster or at the same time as when I take public transport; I also get to improve my aerobic capabilities, and get a kick out of feeling speed on my face. Yup, with every step I take everyday my thighs are telling me that they are well worked.

Revisiting the Annapurna circuit

I was digging around my shelves for some certificates yesterday night and chanced upon one of my old journal notebook, which I used mainly to write about my Annapurna trek in Nepal when I went there in 2002.


I don't think I described each day in its meticulous details, but whatever that was written on the pages were enough for me to recall every single day of the almost month-long trek in vivid images. I read and remembered the people we met, the food we ate (with some recipes written down also), and some of the thoughts evoked by the experience there. Long list of detailed accounts, presents list, do's and don'ts tips (in case I make the same silly mistakes again) and even a to-do list of things pending my attention when I get back to civilization.

It was like revisiting a wholly different past life... a month of nothing but spending time with self and nature and close friends. It showed me that life can (and should) have different priorities than the accumulation of wealth, and that the exploration of terra incognito is also at the same time the exploration of the self.

Back to coaching!

Have been going back to kayaking coaching since the last fortnight - This week's the school holidays and the courses are really lining up back to back. On saturday and sunday, I took Bishan Park Secondary NPCC and NCC kids, and it's nice to see some of the kids still able to recognise my face from the time I was there in July doing attachment for the month.

Took a class of 8 Yishun Town St. John Brigade girls and 3 freelance outdoor instructors for 1 star course this morning, and they're a joy to teach. The girls approached the course (particularly the capsize drill) with the usual apprehensions, but performed splendidly in everything I taught them. Enjoyed the session with them, and am happy to know they enjoyed it too when they asked repeatedly that I complete the course with them tomorrow. It's usually much easier to make them enjoy kayak courses then making PE lessons fun and involving - attempting to make the latter happen will be my goal for the next three years at least.

PESS Physical Proficiency Test

This five station test assesses water confidence, running agility, ball and game sense, eye-hand/procimal-distal coordination in racket games, and also balance and basic gymnastic movements. I finally managed to help out in this one after missing the previous ppt last semester. So why am I so eager to help? I did not go there to ogle at girls and flirt with them (as someone in my class who did not turn up to help stayed around to do) , but because I am interested in seeing assessments of physical performances. In a perverse way, I am interested to see the best and the worst of performances, and perhaps be helpful to a group of nervous participants who are full of performance anxieties.

I recalled that when I did the PPT, I talked to a few of the people in my detail, and just before the badminton test, someone I chatted to told me that he has never held a badminton racket before. That was like a slap to my face - I wanted so much to be a good teacher, and there are jokers here who just wanted to try their luck and hope to somehow smuggle themselves into PESS without even the desire to do well in the qualifying test. As we went round the stations and I saw the usual mediocre performances in badminton and gymnastics, I realised that so many of these people just wanted to get in just because they see themselves as sportspeople and not teachers. They think they ought to be here just cos they can play soccer/basketball/run well. They dismissed the skill test components that they are weak in, and think they're silly and not worth their time.

My detail performed at the average skill range for almost everyone, but it's a joy to see a few move around well and finding space during the possession game, and one guy who lobbed strong clear shots confidently. But there's a disappointing girl who swam the breaststroke like a hummingbird (meaning bobbing upright and inching forward), played badminton like my cousin when he was ten, and flopped at gymnastics. Why did she even try when obviously she's so ill-prepared? The only thing she's trying is her luck, and it doesn't work that way unfortunately. Doesn't she feel ashamed of her effort, or guilt if she miraculously passed it?

The abuse of certification.

How often have you seen certificates being brandished by individuals as badges of honour and supposed proof of their competency in so-and-so areas? Granted that my experience of this phenomena is only limited to the outdoor scene, I definitely think I have seen enough of such showing off. Just today, I heard an anecdote of someone insisting that she should stay with a person with a sprained ankle all the while because she is 'a certified first aider', and quite a few people asks me why bother paying for a kayak certification course when they can get it for free just by attending the PESS camp with a kayaking segment.

It is unfortunate that a lot of outdoorspeople and sportspeople cannnot help but want to chip in their 1 cent's worth of opinion and knowledge in whatever sports others are talking about; worse are those who, in times of crisis, become imbued with supreme confidence out of nowhere and insists on assuming control and resposibility of the situation. For those who get certificates of proof of competency, they really should know their stuff before talking/bragging/showing off their limited knowledge and skills in front of others. Beware, I am brutally honest and combative with people who talk out of their league, and will spare no effort in shaming such displays of idiocy.

A day...

-2 hours of Dance class at 8.30am, perpetually watching time go by slowly on the clock while the lesson goes on. Endless repetition of 'Swing' moves to different music at different speed. Revision of modern Jazz dance, can't even do one routine without forgetting one or two figures throughout the numerous times we repeated it.

- Badminton class: 7 matches down in the intra-class tournament, last 2 against Yongjie and Sher Chong to go. I only got time enough to play Yongjie eventually, and it was a horribly ugly match; totally unfocussed, raring to win but without the clear-headedness to do it. Final score: 17-16, after several exchanges of serves at 16 points. What the hell...

- Biomechanics lab: Spent 10 minutes learning about using time-gait system to collect data, and the rest of the hour is spent doing nothing, except that I volunteered to be one of the runners for the data collection. Ok, my legs are really jelly now.

Gonna cycle to Yusof Ishak teach badminton again tom morning - fully prepared for it but hope my legs don't start cramping while cycling. And that I will wake up in time.

'Storming' process of teambuilding

Recently went for two trainings with the school's polo team, and realised that they really are improving, as one of my friend said in urging me to join them again. Now the drills done are more sensible, there is constant feedback and discussion after each drill and game, a lot more talking where people are trashing things out. Last week one weak point noted was that passing and receiving the ball from the sides are problematic for most of us, a drill was suggested, and we really got down to trying it this week - this active approach to building better training sessions is impressing me.

Today we played 4 Vs 4 mini games, each side taking turns to attack and defend only for a period of time. Most offensive efforts were ineffective; boats charged in and find it hard to get out, defenders crowded around the keeping area and space for a clear shot is still not available, ball is not recycled well, lack of initiative to drive in, very jerky game progression etc etc. But it's enough for me to see that everyone is aware of the problem and actively tries to talk it out and give feedback bit by bit to try make every subsequent attempt a bit better.

I regret that I wasn't able to make this attitude set in earlier, I don't know what caused this change in attitude either, but they are making me interested again. Thanks guys if you read this, that's the way to go...

My boat!

Finally, a photo of my kayak, now nicely taped up at the bumper, with my paddle there also and a cute sticker on it. Next up, the stern deck's gonna be streaked with a red laminate design...watch out for it!

Free speech in the classroom

A teacher in geography class in the US said it for what it is after his class heard Bush's State of the Union speech and was censured by the school for his anti-Bush remarks; now doesn't that sound like an act that will happen in a totalitarian state? You just need to add a little bit of violence to make it so. The scarier thought was that it was not the police, but the school district which suspended the teacher - Foucault's panapticon effect is making the education board regulating its own even before the state police does!

I happen to be a firm supporter of free speech, which is perhaps even more necessary in the classroom. Of course it should be reasonable and presented without attempting to overrule other comments in class, but it will make great food for thought for students to hear a strongly argued perspective from the teacher, to make them look at their own set of beliefs and examine it critically. Now how is that the same as 'indoctrination', or can anyone tell the difference? Isn't all teaching indoctrination? If students are going to be 'intimidated' by the acceptance of new perspectives, they should all stay at home and sleep the days away.

It seems to me that it's only the bureacracy who are sensitive about these things, when they are not the ones affected directly by the teachings. This is so kafkaesque...

Teaching style

Last week, I taught the Japanese dance that my dance project group took on, and though the comments were generally good, Mrs Goh dropped the remark that the teaching was done 'a bit too casual'. What I did was to relate the story of the dance to them, and prompted the class for the actions they think might be involved in coal-mining; these were then employed as mental images for easy remembering of the dance gestural actions. Coincidentally that same day, Alvin of my class, who will be observing my badminton lesson for the microteaching sessions, also mentioned that I tend to be quite casual with the students while teaching, and advised me to be more firm with them, at least at the start of things.

After the last microteaching session (which I thorougly enjoyed), I can really tell the difference between my style and his, or others. I want to be really friendly and approachable, going around to everyone and giving them personal attention, adopting a cheerful tone of voice, and move them from activity after activity to keep the lesson dynamic. Alvin controlled his class and directed them precisely, interjecting periods of activity with instructions while I try as far as possible to minimise instructional time and let them play.

Which is better? I think whatever works best for yourself is the one you should use. Alvin did give me spot-on feedback on how my impatience with waiting can result in me starting activities without making sure everyone has ended the previous one. I tried to be firm during my first week in Bishan Park Sec the last attachment, and I regretted that very much - it is against my very nature to be strict to students anyway. But still, if anyone do think that there are ways in which I should improve in, do let me know, cos I don't want to use my habitual nature as an excuse to avoid the effort of changing for the better.

When the going gets tough...

...the tough needs to eat. An essential quick meal at Paya Lebar on the way back to NTU from PC...

Haircutting

Sometimes I really hate getting my hair cut done at hair salons - Ok, they usually give much better haircuts than what you get at those $10-5 mins barbershops (sometimes you can't tell the difference though), but doggone it, do they have to fuss over my hair like that?? Please don't start by shampooing my hair and taking ages to work up the foam hive on my head, thinking I'm enjoying the process and squeezing more and more shampoo on. And only girlfriends should have the right to massage the scalp/ears/back of neck areas, anyone else doing it on me is almost molest.

And after the long wash of the hair looking up at the ceiling and thinking of England, the hairdressers will whip out half a dozen scissors and proceed to snip methodically and meticulously all over. If you know my restless cannot-sit-still self, you can just imagine the torture at having to sit there for so long with short hair bits falling all over the face but not being able to brush the itch away. Get on with it man! Shave it all if you have to, just release me!

Ok I appreciate the effort and the result, but please, my sunburnt dry-as-grass hair, treated with chlorine and salt water and cheap shampoo every week, really don't need that much attention can...

Wedding invitation!

A friend from my NUS days called me just now to extend his wedding invitations to me! It was like 4 years since we contacted each other - back then we knew each other through a common friend and went trekking, cycling, tennis together even before I joined him in NUS. As things turns out, I didn't get to meet him much at all even when I was in year one, though I can always remember the fun that we had together; he is one of those irrepressible personalities who can cheer up anyone on a wet rainy day in the worst of conditions I think.

Pin pin, thanks for the invitation! I am truly honoured to partake in the celebration, and touched that our friendship is still being remembered.

The hard facts

As these articles here and here says it, people nowadays seems to be afraid of the embarrassment of history and would rather deny than admit and do better. This phenomena seems to extend beyond the sociopolitical sphere into our private lives as well. If people are embarrassed about their cultural past, shouldn't they take the chance to educate people about the changes in their cultural practices rather than trying to sanitise history textbooks and deny the existence of unethical norms?

The past is a lesson for us to advance forward as a civillization, and to retreat to an Orwellian world where the past doens't exist is to invite the eternal return of human catastrophes. Every generation should be constantly educated on the tragic history of man to ensure that the ugly events never happen again. Before the Holocaust, no one knew that a government can organise a mass genocide of unimaginable scale and therefore went with it like lambs to the slaughter - in this modern day, genocides happen still because people have lost such memories or doubt that it could happen again. The truth is, it takes so very little action to start a war or a genocide. Despite the unfair verdict by the world on Bush's war against Iraq, no one could halt its progress. Go figure.

Review: Qian Zhou's Violin Recital

Just came back from Qian Zhou's recital at the VCH - wasn't a very satisfying night at all, though a good outing overal for the evening. The last I heard her I was thoroughly disgusted by how she tore through the ethereal scales of Beethoven's violin concerto like a brash bully trashing the piece into utter submission. Seeing that the romantics dominated today's programme, I decided the result will probably be more acceptable and palatable for my taste.

The first prelude played out of the ten she choosed from Shostakovich piano preludes made it plain that she is definitely out to stamp her volatile personality onto the music tonight. After fairly tearing through the preludes, Faure's sonata was up next, and even her opinionated rendition of the piece wasn't able to mask the dullness of it all. Brahms was of course the better composer, though he didn't benefitted from Qian Zhou playing his Scherzo movement in the roughest manner I have ever heard anywhere. His third sonata was surprisingly well done though, the playing more restrained and tempered as necessary, but then I actually preferred his two previous sonatas to start with.

Really, I'm not that hard to please...I just need someone to tell her to stop fudging running notes into a sharp glissando as a show of urgency, and to calm that temper down, that's all...