On days (like yesterday and today) when things don't go well, my whole being is drained of energy and motivation to do anything productive at all. Or failing to be productive, I find it hard to try to relax and forgot too.
The daily frustration is always an accumulation of unfortunate incidents. Yesterday it started with the morning rain, which caused my CT to do an observation-assessment of a wet weather program. That happened too last week, and I didn't want her to see the same silly thing also; I spent an hour to conjure up a circuit training fitness plan spontaneously, asking my co-teacher to handle the current class in my stead. It was a flop - the 10 stations made it hard to for me to monitor the students, and with another class around I didn't want to disrupt their lesson too much too. Then I realised that my co-teacher had sent the previous class back to the classroom and gave the excuse that there's no place for her to do activities.
Then my lit lesson yesterday was to get the class do a simple unseen poem question, but many did not perform to expectations, and I couldn't hold their attention when going through the answers. The same thing happened just now, when my lesson was being observed. Apparently the questions were too difficult and they simply cannot engage with the task. I took my CT's previous advise on doing group work and it was a disaster - I don't think group work works at all at this level. I could not finish before she had to leave, and after she left for another class, I just ended my lesson abruptly. The class could not detect the note of resignation in my demeanor and happily reorganised their tables, spontaneously bursting into chatter again.
It feels better now that whatever what happened, the observations are done. It seemed as if I have given up on the effort suddenly in this last lap, but from here I learnt a truism about teaching - so many things can go wrong in the class, and one has to decide what should be made right, and what to tolerate.
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2 comments:
Wondering. Perhaps this school is really not for you. You need some school like maybe RI or RJ where the students can hopefully be more enthusiastic to learn and appreciate what you have for them.
I think disappointments are inevitable, and I think it is acceptable because at least I realise that things are poor and can be improved. Also, I believe that in most cases, it is the teacher who bears responsibility for student's results.
Maybe I just want to test myself, throw myself into things and work from there. It's not about how bad the students are, it's about how good I should be.
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