Helping families

I was called to attend a counselling session of between my school refusal kid's parents and the school counsellors just now, and it ended up being 2 hours long. I didn't know what I should do there, but just thought I listen and learn something from it. I learnt a real lot.

• The kids' parents are reluctant to push themselves to drastic situations to control the situation. At the end of the conference, after all that has been said and with the action plan decided, the mum still said "actually she's ok one lah...", and tried to absolve her from blame by blaming some other external cause for her behaviour. The dad is more rational but is ultimately soft at heart too. These were the reason why the situation was still not resolved when it surfaced in primary school.

• Counsellors has a complex role in mediation, and rightly should handle things very delicately. They must analyse the case and come to accurate conclusions. They need to tease out details of the case gently, phrasing words the proper way so that parents are not influenced by their own perception of the situation. They must present options clearly to resolve the case without pushing for any of them or tempting parents to make hasty judgements. At the end of the interview, one of the counsellor even had to assure the father that the case doesn't not make him a lousy dad.
  

It's no longer about getting the kid to come to school now although that is the official reason for intervention; it's about trying to save the kid and changing the way the family works so that everything will end up right at home.