Notes

In school - Worthwhile inventions that should be produced

1. Chairs that moves along fixed rails on the floor beneath the desk - so that students cannot move them around for illegal gatherings.
2. Desks that sounds a buzzer when a human forearm/head is rested on it - to wake sleepyheads up/alert teachers to sleepers.
3. A device that will deactivate cellphones and scramble soundwaves from mp3 players.

Elsewhere...

1. Bukit Timah road has been repaved with a new layer of asphalt! Cycling on it has never been smoother till now, can finally use my aerobars along that stretch without having to worry about potholes and manholes etc.
2. Watched "How much do you love me" yesterday, quite a funny show that vacillates between seriousness and the farcical, backed by a repertoire of operatic arias that help in the comedic moments. Monica Bellucci is really voluptuous, but looks quite haggard on the closeups.
3. Met Yuanyin for the above show, but regretted that there wasn't much time to spend talking and catching up. Remembering a potential date with Shahidzul too, catching up on climbing and mahjong with Roland. Sorry if some of you have been missing me guys, training frenzy for polo is on right now, and already, I'm not being too disciplined in sticking to my training schedule...

Not so friendly after all.

Played friendly games with my team last night, and it wasn't a good night at all.

First I played as the keeper and got hit by many balls flying into the goal just out of my paddle reach even though I was watching it all the way. Being stuck in that unfamiliar role also means I didn't know when and how far to stay behind to defend or move up to attack. After staying far away from the action in the first game and effectively removing myself from the game by being too cautious, I take the ball and dribbled in to attack in the second game, and got caught out when the last man couldn't mark the opponents doing fast break attacks.

Secondly, I'll remember the night for its Zidane moments, when the captain of one team inexplicably lost his cool for no good reason TWICE and acted like a hooligan, to the extent of verbally challenging my friend. Referee had to blow the whistle not because my friend fouled him but because he wanted to stop the commotion from turning into a brawl. He later asked me to bear no hard feelings for the incidents, but gave me a lame reason to justify his actions (from his attitude he evidently felt that it was justified), and said it was 'too bad' that he had to behave like this. It didn't help that his team was also paddling in an inappropriate manner, throwing paddle fouls around and paddling at my team's throat level across their boats, though this was most likely done unconsciously.

I regretted arranging the friendlies game last night - it did us no good at all and only bred ill-feelings. I'm sorry to have made my friends come down to suffer all these indignities from a team lacking in sportsmanship.

Winning is not everything.

A great read!

I packed a small hardcover copy of Madame Bovary into my bag when I went out 2 days ago, and was totally hooked by it while on public transport. Being an English translation of the original text in French, I do not know who owns the credit for the wonderful writing. In short, a story of a woman so enamored with the ideals of romance that she became an adulteress and went headlong to (so I heard) a tragic outcome. Such accuracy of psychological details, and such appropriate succinctness of lines, that says so much with such elegance!

Here, read this: 'but now this pretty woman he adored was his for life. The universe, for him, was contracted to the silken compass of her petticoat' - the blind and devoting love of a man, wonderfully described!

And here too -
' It seemed to her that certain parts of the world must produce happiness, as they produce peculiar plants which will flourish nowhere else. Why could she not now be leaning on the balcony of a Swiss chalet...' - Indeed! My sentiments exactly!

'He couldn't swim, or fence, or fire a pistol, and was unable to explain a riding term she came across in a novel one day. Whereas a man, surely, should know about everything; excel in a multitude of activities, introduce you to passion in all its force, to life in all its grace, initiate you into all mysteries! - Charming, passionate lines, at the same time inspiring for us and a telling comment upon the naïve character of Madame Bovary.

'His ardours lapsed into a routine, his embraces kept fixed hours; it was just one more habit, a sort of dessert he looked forward to after the monotony of dinner' - My my, what a dreary scene described, one hoped never to be confined to a suffocating relationship like this after being cloistered up in a private world after marriage.

'The older among them retained a youthful air, while the young ones revealed a certain maturity. Their nonchalant glances reflected the quietude of passions daily gratified; behind their gentleness of manner one could detect that peculiar brutality inculcated by dominance in not over-exacting activities such as exercise strength and flatter vanity - the handling of thoroughbreds and the pursuit of wantons.' - Describing both the modern day and Victorian age gentlemen who glided the halls of high society.

Marvellous writing; I have no doubt this book will keep me enthralled for the coming week.

The well-tampered clavier

There is an upright piano at the foyer of the school, with its lid up and keyboard always ready to take a pounding. The notes sounding from its tarnished black lacquered body are probably in need of professional tuning, and I wouldn't be surprised if one or two keys are stuck.

Everyday, I heard snatches of misplaced chords and fragments of a melodic line drifting faintly from the piano at recess time, and usually see 2 or 3 kids sitting on the piano bench enjoying companionship. The fractured portions of the music that they imagined doesn't seem to disturb them very much; they are more likely compelled to tinker with the keys that can hammer out something interesting rather than engaging in music-making. But like them, I'm similarly attracted to the sound of music, or rather, just pure simple tones. The latter alone is enough to transcend the ubiquitous bustle of life, and temporarily dislocate my consciousness to an awareness of its calling.

So often had I wished that my parents had forced me to take up the piano lessons that they offered me when I was very young, or had the chance to keep persist in my violin lessons through my life stages. I dream a lot about being able to sit at the worn-out piano every recess and play Chopin, or to go busking in the midst of the crowd in Orchard and play Bach on the solo violin. I want to give more of this world a glimpse of the beautiful and magical through the transcendental powers of music.

It's E-Learning day!

Today and tom, the kids in my school will be at home the whole day reading stuff off the net and doing online assignments, leaving the teachers to join in focus group discussions and myself, probably to slack the day away. Then again, that's what I've been doing most days. Because the canteen is closed, I'll probably go out of school for some food later, then come back surf net and use the nice gym here, and that'll probably waste the working hours away.

Things are ok for this practicum here lah. I'm not bothered by many things and pretty much left alone to slack. The students are mostly nice, with some of us making an impression on each other in this short time already. I join in 2 badminton sessions and 1 ODAC session with the kids every week, and really enjoy them though that means I leave school real late. Most of the teachers are quite stressed out here though, most don't bother to lift up their eyes to look you in the face and smile when paths crossed, but that's ok. For the first time, I hear idle chatter and laughter here in the staffroom now; the absence of the students must be a welcoming relief.

What's I've learnt in school thus far (mostly unrelated to PE):

• Some teachers like to be in a good supportive staffroom, some wants a place which has kids with best behaviours, I think I am looking for a place where my talents will be valued and put to best use.
• The P and VP can really set the mood and atmosphere of the staffroom. The entire morale level of the teachers depends on their EQ and ambition.
• If you don't show that you're serious about teaching (esp. with PE lessons), the kids naturally can't be bothered to pay attention or do what you instruct them.
  

Despite my revelations, I'm itching to get back to NIE playground and play on. 1o more days to go!

Beijing-Lhasa Railway

This is one train ride that I want to take! I love comfortable train rides, and the one in India is somehow rather attractive to me, although it's a bit crampy and the bed barely enough for my height. How great it will be, to look out at the scenery from 5000m+, in the comfort of the pressurised cabins inside. Read about it here, and there's a photo-article here too.

Numbed

School is a routine that starts the day, before my mind starts running. I'm in a sort of limbo here, most other teachers are busy and milling around, while the few of us on school experience just follow around and do nothing much, except for the horribly tedious practicum journal that we are supposed to write about. I really don't have much of a life to blog about already, can finally understand Alex's sentiments man.

Teaching Practicum I...

...is a bore. There is nothing much to learn so far - PE lessons are all about making kids run and be in better shape for their NAPFA tests, observing lit class is rather more productive and interesting. And we have to do a hell lot of writing and reflective work on very dull lessons, imagine that. It will definitely be a test of my creative writing skills.

Everyone I heard had to get used to the schooling routine of waking up early and such, which is draining on me even though I don't do much for the day actually. Today I just learnt that I can't go back to sit in the air-conditioned staff room after lunch - I'll just go into hibernation mode immediately.

Seriously counting down now to the end of the practicum already, and for a return to PESS! However tiring it is, training for polo and playing badminton are the only things that keeps me sane. And of course, visiting a certain teacher in BPSS regularly...

Some things since I came back...

1. My room is now in a mess.
2. I'm perpetually aware that I'll 'start work' next monday (not that I am worried or concerned in any way at all, but it's just a nagging irrational feeling of sianness)
3. My polo skills suck, real badly. I now weight a wimpy 65kg for my 1.78m height, and simply lack the pure brute strength necessary for the sport. Worse is the fear that I experienced every other minute in the game, fear of passing because the pass will go wayward or be intercepted, fear of shooting because the forceful shot is simply not there. Everytime there is a 50-50 ball, I already know I'll lose the chase. It's a dreary feeling.
4. Because of that, I have planned a 7 day training plan for each week to see where my best effort can take me. 4 pool sessions, 2 gym workouts, and one day of of ball throwing. On top of that, I'm cycling down to NTU and back for every training, and going early to warmup with practice throws too. I'll either improve or disintegrate.
5. I discovered that I've got average grades for last semester, which is to be expected. This comfort with mediocrity, I wonder if it's something to worry about. I can't tell myself, as I did in NUS, that outside of studies I'm picking up a lot more skills. Now, it seems as if I'm just content to cruise along enjoy my time. Seems like something that I should be worrying about.
   

Photos to Tioman paddling trip

Trust my good buddy Roland to have the time to upload the paddling photos onto the net at Yahoo; I must say, his time management in office is great! Apparently there's a part 2 to the photo album - he was saying something like you can find it in the root folder of his profile, but I haven't got the time to verify that info.

Yup, as much as I love to show people my trekking photos too, I simply can't find the time to post them online. Gotta spend the time training instead, tonight's polo session at PC made me feel like a retard. I'm sure you guys wouldn't wanna see a thousand pics online anyway right??

In Bangkok...

Here at an internet place in MBK, bangkok right now - the girls are at another place shopping on their own because me and Jamie, one of the quartet in our group, can't tolerate the physical torture of standing around while they are checking out clothes at the endless rows of shop.

It has been a good trip so far. Sikkim was an eye-opener, a country built entirely on hillside slopes, but pretty well-to-do because of the proper roads they have linking one place to another. Kolkata is messy, chaotic, super humid and sticky, but we got used to it eventually, and with the help of numerous airconditioned havens like restaurants, I grew to like its diverse sights so distant from the road scenes in Singapore. Bangkok here...well...what can I say - I only enjoy the cheap food; the only other cheap thing are clothes and that, I do not have much need of.

Haven't got the chance to do much shopping in India, only tried out their food here and there and such, so for those whom I said I'll get a copy of Karma Sutra for them, I'm sorry I didn't get it. Bought a few books though, and 3 CDs from this shop which had a good selection of classical stuff like Harmonia Mundi, cheap! Watched X-men 3 here in MBK, might be going Khao San tonight and this wholesaler market called Patunam or something tom. Gonna catch a few World Cup matches in the pub near Suk 11 too; the latter is still one great place to stay in, and everyone were impressed by its cleanliness and simplicity.

It's pretty noisy here with the games arcade behind me, so gonna go off now. Will post photos when I get back, and see some of you guys perhaps. See ya!

I'm flying!

Ok, I'm not that into flying actually, I hate the engine noise and my butt gets itchy sitting still there for hours. But I'll put up with the pain of it for the sake of a visit to a whole new world. Yup, India is totally foreign to me. I have absolutely no idea what I'm gonna see there, but as usually, I'm more into exploring the wilderness as soon as I can get there rather than doing urban sightseeing. Really hope that this trip leaves me with as much good memories and pictures in my mind as my last trip to Nepal gave me.

Sikkim here I come! Bye guys!

Running around

Today was absolutely crazy. I had this long list of to-do list to complete and tick off at the end of the day, and then I went around the entire island to finish it off. Yes that's right, from the north to the south, then to east then to west before going home again. Now, that's sounds more like a normal day for me, doesn't it?

1. Went to Mustafa center to exchange currencies for my trip - blew $950 on $500USD, $1000 Thai baht and $3000 Indian rupees. Hahah...I'm rich! Had chicken briyani and a cup of tea at the nearby restaurant there, never expected it to cost $8, but it was good la. Bought loads of other necessary knick-knacks too.
2. Took the train to Harbourfront to collect a free 512MB SD card that comes along with the Canon G3 camera that Karen bought. Trip there and business settled in half an hour, walked back to train station to go Bugis.
3. Went to NLB to drop a library book there, saw Tiong Ann (formerly one of my climbing kaki) there helping to set up the bouldering wall for pumpfest this sat. Went to 'Mountain Designs' outdoor shop to look for a backpack cover, which I discovered was an exorbitant $50, and I decided I go make do without it.
4. Went Si Ma Lu to the big temple there to pray for a safe journey. Haven't been to a temple for a long while already; I have to say that this gesture really made me feel the immediacy of our trip happening tomorrow...exciting!
5. Speed walk back to the MRT, took the train to Simei. Met Bingying there for my trek pants I lent him for titiwangsa, then collected my repaired handphone at East Point. It drank a bit of water when it was locked in my aquapac AFTER my entire paddling expedition when I tried out the 2006 vamp at PC, how sueh can I get. Anyway, it's resurrected now, and I'm glad I can use it as a MP3 player on the trip. That's what my extra batteries are for actually ha.
6. Went to Paya Lebar, took bus to PC. Yongjie of my class drove his lorry down there to help me shift my polo boat down to NTU, really glad for his help. At NTU, I left the boat there before their training started, met a few of them when I left though. Exchanged a few frosty words with the girls but am so glad to see the guys, reminding me of the reason why I can't make myself leave the team.
7. Went to Karen's place and finally washed up my tent from my paddling trip at her lawn, hope the carpet grass don't die from drinking the soap water. Girls really take a long time to pack for trips, and consequently (and rightfully) are more kan cheong about leaving full days aside for that.

Me? I'm just chilling out here now charging all my batteries. The packing can wait till tomorrow ha.

Trip: Paddling from P.Tioman to Tg. Pengelih

Came back 2 days ago from my paddling trip that lasted 8 days, starting at Tanjong Penyabong just above Mersing, on to the marine park islands on the east coast like Tioman, Besar, Sibu, then back to coastal paddling back down to the Tanjong Pengelih customs.

We paddled in nice blue or green waters for half of the trip, then in murky ones thereafter. We were attacked by sandflies and mosquitoes on some days but stayed in airconditioned resorts on others. The packing rituals everyday is very time-consuming, and the very frequent portage of boats when landing and launching at low tide is exhausting. It was occasionally exciting, a few moments were scary, and mainly very very boring. We had more than enough time reviewing the major events of your life and plan for the others in the future in the long paddling days we undertook daily.

More details to come eventually maybe, probably after my Sikkim trek!

Never bargained and got too much...

This noon I was at this canteen in Tuas having a meal with my brother and my uncle (who delivered some sea charts there to some colleagues). Ordered a bowl of pig's kidney and liver herbal soup, and it turns out to be probably the biggest bowl of such soup that I'll ever have in my lifetime. Can you believe that much stuff inside the soup only costed me $3.50?


This was what's left after I gave up trying to finish it up.

Paddling Singapore river

For the first time on last Sunday, Gerald and I paddled along Marina South Park after the Kallang river construction area. That took us into the Singapore river on the side opposite of Marina Promenade and the Esplanade, as seen here


That was possible now that all the commercial small crafts have moved out of Clifford Pier. We cut across the former mooring area outside the pier to reach the viewing gallery of the Merlion, where a perpetual crowd of tourists snapped pictures and enjoyed the breeze.


It was an interesting feeling, to be the object of tourists' stares, and be greeted by the ang-moh restaurant goers dining al fresco along Boat Quay, and even more so to be able to stare back at them and return the gaze. Though I have paddled into the river several times already, it was a novel experience to paddle real close along the busy side of the river, weave in and out of the pillars under Nicoll highway and Cavenaugh bridge, and interact with tourists in this silent way. It made me felt like a tourist in my own watery backyard, how refreshing!

Busy busy

Ok, got loads of stuff to do in these few days leading up to the camp/tioman paddling trip, and I haven't been really productive every night cos of tiredness from running around all day; don't expect to see the blog updated until maybe thursday night...

Short notes...

• The GE is really showing how amateurish Singapore politics is, what a shame. All that bitching, personal attacks and argument about trivial issues is making the whole election farcical. A WP quintet of in my estate (with 2 guys doing e-Biz, 2 arts grad, and a ITE cert holder) wanna contest PM Lee, how amusing.
• Peace is restored to Nepal again. But too late, looks like the earliest I'll get to breakfast at pumpernickel bakery again will be this time next year...
• Practiced ball throwing with Bings this noon, resolved to bring my polo ball to Sikkim and throw/play/sleep with it and hope to come back a better player.
• Anyone want anything that I can bring back from India or Bangkok? Don't be shy just tell me what you'll like to get la...else I'll just be cracking my brains thinking of what to get for you...so just say la...

Joke of the day:
Qn: What do wayang king James Gomez and box-office king Tom Cruise have in common?
Ans: Both have made the same movies - Mission Impossible, Risky Business, and Minority Report.

Hahaha...

Movie Review - M:I 3

...Caught M:I 3 at Suntec at noon sharp today in a half-filled cinema. With these movies, you know the story's gonna be formulaic - superhuman agent saves the world and his girl, lots of insider hidden agendas and betrayals, incredulous stunts at different places around the globe, exciting near-misses etc etc. But this is way better than M:I 2, cos the attention's now back to the mission rather than saving the girl (who logically should be last in priority anyway). Lots of explosive action, exciting moments, and the villian is really evil-looking.

Was so riveted by the action that I have to stop popcorn-chewing 15 minutes into the movie, ok maybe it's just me who's unable to multitask, but yah, worth your dollars if you like non-stop action.

Catching up

Yup, it was nice to see you after quite a while Alex...thanks for pushing back your lunch appointment just to walk around with me at Sim Lim. I'm sure it was fun and informative for you too right? Haha...guys are all gadget freaks...

From now till Sunday, going to see Lianda to watch Mi:3, Bing Ying to play polo, Yinghuei to pass him some shoes he ordered, Emily for the tent she bought, my insurance agent, and the usual PC clique too. And Roland and Charles of course, for the expedition. Something tells me I'll be sick of their faces pretty soon. Haha...just joking guys!

Yah, good to have some small reasons to meet up with people once in a while. Whatever it is, you guys out there should know that I'll always be glad to catch up yah; only thing is you have to make early appointments!

Business

Lots of things to do for my sucessive trips coming up, particularly when the paddling trip needs so much preparation beforehand but my PE outdoor camp ends the day before. Accumulated a long list of to-do tasks as time goes by today, it's calls and smses coming in all day long reminding me to do this and that. I'm almost packed for the rest of the week already preparing for stuff.

Here's my schedule then, for those who are interested -

8th - 11th May PESS outdoor camp
12th - 21st May Paddling trip up Tioman
24th - 16th June Trip to Sikkim, Bangkok

Will start my silly 5-week Teaching Practicum on 26th June after that, along with 4-5 nights of canoe polo training every week from then on till National Champs in August. My holidays are almost always much busier than my schooling days...

Wanna hear a story?

More than one person have been telling me that I sounded pretty irritable or pissed these days, judging from my blog entries. I thank you for your concern and sympathy for my angsty moments , but I'm pretty 'normal' actually, and the days are passing well. It's just that I tend to recall and write things I feel more strongly about (like my paddling session today) rather than mention the mundane trivial matters of daily life (like I only got 2 bites on my Sausage McMuffin with Egg this morning before the wrapper tore and the whole thing dropped on the floor). That wouldn't make for a very interesting read right?

This shows again that one should never trust the online persona to be the real person, not totally at least, barring the fact that no one actually has a coherent and singular personality (read Borges's essay 'The Nothingness of Personality' about that). Yup, I am actually a very nice person who wishes for world peace...

Online File Transfer

yousendit.com is passé, check out this new list of online file transfer sites!

Hypocrisy

Like it or not, becoming a mature adult means learning to be a hypocrite. It means having to smile and act civilly to people you don't like. Of course, civil behaviour is expected most of the time from people, and one doesn't feel an intense dislike even for obnoxious people most of the time when meeting them; but still, you know you're hypocritical when you smile and talk politely to these people. Other instances will be when you do things which you personally don't endorse, which I think many teachers often do because teachers are supposed to be rather saintly role models but we all know that teachers are also only human.

A hatred of hypocrisy can explain my candid upfront attitude (often also read as being intolerably rude) with most things. Inside myself, I just can't force myself to do certain things that I disagree with, either unethical or dishonest actions or dealing with people whom I dislike. I especially hate people who are senior in age or position but who act in less-than-exemplery fashions, and will spare them no criticism if the chance arises, to hell with courtesy and respect. These people lose more of my respect exactly because of their seniority, and the latter is not going to earn them immunity from my barbs.

Despite being berated by people around me for being too honest often, I'm adamant that I'm not going to change this about myself. I think it's damn sickening for a teacher to be a hypocrite, and all for what? Leave people with a better impression? Heck... if I can't live with my own hypocritical actions, I don't really care about what people think about me.

Trip planning

Planning two big trips simultaneously while trying to study for an exam 2 days away is really tough to say the least. I couldn't not take the lead in the planning for either my 10 day paddling trip to Tioman or my 20+ day trek in Sikkim, that's for sure; just being involved by staying in the know and helping to make decisions can kill off my time already.

Two very different trips, two very different sets of concerns. The latter involves endless net surfing for best prices of tickets, checking out dates of departures and arrivals for the different forms of transport so that they all transit nicely, looking for value-for-money accomodations, and evaluating about ten different transport arrangements. The former is more concerned with essential stuff like food planning, tranportation of kayaks, cooking needs, water replenishment, daily paddling mileage etc. More exciting to think about as we're supposed to be entirely self-sufficient without a land crew, and aiming to paddle long hours everyday to reach our objective.

It is siong stuff like these that really invigorates me - plans that requires a small flight of imagination, hours and hours planning its execution, and which will bring me a hell lot of thrilling moments when the dreams become reality.

"Would you...would you dance with me?"

Went to watch Burn the Floor this afternoon, and it was quite a mesmerising experience. The different dances just went on and on, well-synchronised to the music, and you just gawk at the shaking bodies on stage from start to end. I mean, these people can really shake any parts of their body any way they like, move around the stage with confident steps, wind and unwind themselves with their partner with balance, and throw in the occasional acrobatics for kicks...

I miss dancing... not the 'cheonging' kind where people try to sway around to rhythm, but my dance class in PE. We weren't very good at all, often look very silly trying to 'shimmer' our shoulders or hopping around with coordination, but it's all very fun (the sillier the funnier) and a really great activity to mix people. It must be great to know how to dance as an art, to move with balance and poise, look and feel good to have a special chemistry with people you dance with, and most importantly to express exuberant happiness in a physical way.

In contrast, I only read modern literature for a large part of my life, most of which are written by people who only knows how to express the most poignant and profound forlornness and despair.

Taxi!

Suntec City, the busiest shopping mall in city hall, has several taxi stands and lines of people queuing up for cabs. Not a suprising fact right? But look at it closely - why is there a queue at all?

1. Too many people wanting a comfortable ride home?
2. Overzealous shoppers end up with huge baggages?
3. Too few taxis in town?

Was in the queue outside the convention hall just now, and the queue moved only because people left it when the cab that they booked came. Yes, for like 20 mins, there was not one cab available to pick people off the queue, every single taxi that came was 'On call'. Strange isn't it, no cabs in the area but they arrive the moment you call for them.

The answer? Cos the cab drivers are all hiding just round the corner at Republic Boulevard, just waiting to pick up the booking and appear almost instantaneously when summoned. Can someone get the New Paper reporters to do a scoop on this and bust their operation? Jian!

Sports electives in PESS

Here are the sports electives that we PE students have to choose from:

Rugby or Basketball
Swimming or Gymnastics
Badminton or Volleyball
Track & Field or Dance
Soccer or Netball
Hockey, Tennis or Softball

A few random thoughts on these choices...

1. There isn't much use in learning things like swimming cos we'll still not be qualified to teach swimming in the future.
   
2. If our rich independent school is serious about tennis, they will have employed proper coaches. If your school just play masak-masak tennis, we wouldn't need to take a course on it.
3. Why are some 'Core' Singapore sports like table tennis and sailing, or 'merit' sports like sepak takraw and cuesports not in the list? (thought I can imagine the logistic problems haha)
4. PE teachers should spend 3 years instead of 2 in NIE so that we can take all these modules instead of having to choose one or the other :p
   

A week of paddling

Did 5 consecutive days of coaching in the weekdays and today was dragged out to paddle at sea again and still played canoe polo at night...what the hell right. I haven't coached a course that challenged me to design it entirely for a very long while, so the change was indeed refreshing. Everyone did well as expected, well-challenged by the course and learning lots from it I hope. I personally learnt a few more things that I can try out with other classes too, so all in all I'm glad I went to the trouble to organise it for the folks in school.

Peteris Vasks...

...my new composer idol! Loved his Grāmata čellam (Book for Cello) which I heard at the Yong Siew Toh Conservatory Cellissimo concert just now, startlingly dramatic, stark and eerie at times, frighteningly violent at other moments, and no matter how you take to the piece, there's no way you can ignore its power over you in a live performance. I was so glad I took a chance on him and bought his violin-orchestral works CD a few months back, and having loved what I heard there, I'm delighted to be entranced by his music again tonight. Hearing it in the middle of the programme really spoilt the rest of the night for me - everything else sounded so quaint and trivial after that.

Love as tragedy

Saw the movie poster for Tristan and Isolde today on the streets, and the idea popped into my mind that the root cause of almost all tragedies is love. No other emotion can stir the human heart so, prompting it to do incredible (sometimes incredibly stupid) things, and creating tremendous and overreaching consequences that will persist through generations (like getting shotgun kids). And that is why the tale of Tristan and Isolde, and the whirlwind overture Richard Wagner wrote that languishes and laments and very reluctant comes to an orgasmic closure, and adaptations of the story in the medium of our day, still stays with us.

Though love can be incredibly touching, tragic, almost inhuman in its poignancy, isn't it absurd that it can also at the same time means a whole lot of other things at the other range of the emotional spectrum, and be totally banal? Ah! so ist die lieb!

Shortened fuse

These days my temper is really easily stirred - vulgarities count is going up, smiles have become much rarer. Fuck the disorganised mess of things around me, the stupid events forcing me to reshuffle my schedule, and myself for letting all these fucked up my life. So many stupid people think too much about their silly little projects to demand my limited time, that I should just be an arrogant asshole and ask them to screw it and not bother me with their trivialities.

Criticism

Prompted by comments from my classmates in an msn chat yesterday night, I wrote a page of (negative) feedback for a lecturer and sent out the page to our class's mailing group. To my surprise, one of my classmate actually replied and said that it is "a bit cruel" and asks rhetorically if we are sure we want to hurt him. A few others came up to me in person and remarked the same thing too. Suddenly, I can't help feeling like a petty villian, though I know their comments are innocent.

Now, all of us know he sucks big time and most of us dislike him. So why the about-turn in attitude when I started the ball rolling in appraising him? Are my classmates concerned about his future? Or just too decent and don't want to drag someone down into mud? Or am I really too cruel? Well, none has said that my appraisal of his performance is false, so it must be an issue about political sensitivity then, or perhaps a fear of the possible repercussions. But why bother doing false feedbacks? And shouldn't teachers welcome honest criticism, since they are most often the one doing the criticizing?

His performance is so poor that I cannot stand by and let it pass without at least an honest feedback. To do nothing will be to compromise the principles that I live by as a teacher, and which I think all teachers should live by too. I see myself as having the duty of trying to raise the standards of teaching within my own sphere of influence, and I can do nothing much but this. One has to accept judgment for one's actions, especially if feedback is invited.

Heck, I have no doubt that my feedback will do nothing but amuse the people reading it anyway. But I will hang on to the possibility that this can wake him up to be a teacher with a more balanced perspective towards teaching.

In defence of Manliness

This review of the book Being a Man is a good read, concurring with the author's idea that male chivalry can exist without the guys being chauvinistic. I stand by that at least - the females who don't fancy the idea can of course, reject the gesture. It can be irritating though, when I offer help to some female out of human kindness and it is regarded as an unwanted act of manly gesture. The women can likewise be big-hearted and generous too, and it's gratifying to see these gestures from the ladies.

Terrible teachers

Have you had teachers who...

- talk cock and come up with countless illustrations for one single point such that the whole lecture only needed 5 powerpoint slides, then at the end of the semester asks the whole group to come back for FOUR REMEDIAL LECTURES?

- discriminated against certain sports and people who play them, have nothing much to say every lesson and just repeat a few beaten-to-death points over and over again every session, yet demanded that you listen to his words of wisdom?

I do. Rest assured that I'll give them quality appraisals at the end of their nonsense.

Busy life

Haven't got much time to blog this week, anyone missed me?

After lesson on Tuesday, went down to People's Park to buy return tickets for Nepal. We could have got it at $700+, but then coming back there wasn't any cheap seats on the third week of June (I suppose all the families travelling with kids need to come back by then also), and so had to settle for more expensive tickets at just over $800. Went to Campers' Corner, bought a beanie for my head, a sleeping bag, paid for a pair of new Chacos that will come next week, and a waterproof map case. I can't wait to use the last item - just looking at it make me think of my upcoming paddling trip to Tioman.

Wednesday - Watched 'V for Vendetta' after lessons, was not a bad movie, but I'm a lousy critic so can't say much. I'm happy so long as it pander to my taste for action ha.

Thursday was spent studying for my dance test, horribly mindless memorisation of information. But pulled through the test splendidly today, and then played badminton, table tennis, and finally floorball just now, what an eventful day! It's a shame these days will be gone real soon...

Weekend's coming, I'm gonna be out and offline again. Polo, badminton, the works. Have a great weekend too!

Job done!

Woohoo! Assessment for sports have ended! Badminton assessment was easy, not much required, but an overdose of it is making my right shoulder and forearm aching horribly. Dance was tested in the morning, was drawn to be tested on 'La Bastringue', and managed to get good feedback for my performance. The semester's worth of hopping around makes my lateral metatarsals ache every morning I wake up and stand over them however.

Whatever...it's time to rest and recuperate!

A demanding career

Beside teaching colleges being blamed for the inadequacy of the education system, at a lower level it is surely clear to all that the teaching profession must be one of the most demanding job. On the one hand it seems that teachers are widely recognised as perhaps the most important role models tochildren and young adults (why else would any crimes or offensess committed by teachers be considered a scandalous incident?), yet teachers are hardly rewarded well enough for their difficulties.

Having to juggle administrative work, marking and setting assignments, planning lessons, providing counselling services, being virtuous role models, they face bureaucratic barriers in trying to solve problems differently, blame from parents for not doing the duties that the parents themselves neglected, and disrespect and apathy from students too young to know what's good for themselves. The pay hardly compensate well enough for such trauma, but for the promise of being remembered by some of the students in their future for teaching them some indelible lessons that will stay with them, I must resolve to try my best in this career.

Semester's end

The semester's coming to a close. The calender pages in my organiser get tossed out steadily, the few assignments left are manageable and negligible, and I'm gonna slowly move my stuff back home already. Soon the holidays will come, and I'll be spending the days happily, easily. Then comes a month of school attachment, and then back to school, taking lessons for a new subject, a living in a new room most probably, if I do get one. I can see endless group projects coming my way, the disgusting need to negotiate my way in classroom/group politics, and myself sweating in the sun playing football and netball. Late dinners, late nights. A tiredness that will leave me paralysed at my seat.

Strangely, I rather not have the semester end at all.

'Whadya lookin at?"

Cats have so much character, sometimes I think they are more 'attitude' than people...

Schooling angst

Imagine, I'm gonna go out to teach and here I am being so angsty about school work. I'm like "Fuck it all! I don't give a damn what grade I get so long as I pass!!" And I think not many people can tell me why I should work hard in NIE anyway. Next time how to convince my students to work hard?

Probably the assumption of roles dictates the attitude; you just wanna slack as a student and get kids to study hard when you're a teacher or a parent. And it's just unfortunate some things in school really pisses me off to no end. Thank goodness I'm teaching PE and Literature - even though the latter is examinable, exams are never the be-all and end-all for that subject.

Yes I know I sound like a bloody spoilt brat. But it's nice to throw a tantrum sometimes.

Irritating day...

Today irritated me to no end, perhaps starting with my lack of sleep.

- Badminton class: Played my table's final match with Sher Chong, with lunch in my stomach still and my strokes strange and unfamiliar, hardly able to keep up a rally beyond 4-5 returns. Played nonetheless, and hit the shuttle out of court so often that I gifted him with straight points. Strings were so loose I had to align them after every point, and halfway through the string broke. Lost to him eventually 14-9; all credits to him for his composure, but I know I can do so much better.

- Talking about the camp after that made me irritated again - I'm pissed to no end with people asking me to plan for an activity when they have no idea what they want out of it themselves. Gonna just crap out a plan and execute it, good riddance. This PESS camp is a screwed up idea. I can't wait to hear what they are gonna teach us for the lectures.

- Having done an hour of crapping for the anatomy lab manuals, I discovered that there is a third manual which I missed and didn't do. I'm already fed up with having to do everything in the manuals which she did not go through with us, and now there's even more? Fuck it. I handed up what I had and refuse to print and copy answers for the 3rd lab.

Thankfully Qin Li-Wei's cello recital was worth my time, and he generously played 3 encores after the already substantial programme. Bravo!

Dawn on the water

Last Saturday, dawn - I set off from PC very early on a sea kayak, paddling down to Changi Coast MOE campsite for the PESS camp recce. The sun was just peering over the clouds still, shrugging off its covers and revealing its brillance in a matter of minutes. This is one of those moments which I live for, seeing natural beauty in solitude and peace, in a kayak with no one else around.

Facilitation

Some outdoor educators have no clue as to what facilitation means; others have heard of the term, have a sketchy idea of it, and then bandied the term around when talking to other people in the outdoors as a show of their expertise in the field.

I recall a certain incident - at a camp where I was employed as a kayaking instructor to run the kayaking segment of the itinerary, I was asked by an official, whose position formally placed him as an expert in the field of outdoor education, to "do some facilitation" to the kids after the end of the session. Now, what's wrong with that?

Plenty. First, I was employed in the capacity of a technical instructor, and therefore am not obliged to engage in the facilitation process. Second, obligations aside, what business have I to effect facilitation processes with the children when no organising member of the camp asks of that from me, and therefore I have no idea about the objective/theme of the camp, and the intended outcome of the kayaking activity? Thirdly, facilitation is not feedback - feedback is a direct response to the activity. I can do the latter, but not the former, going back to reason number two.

Forth, facilitation needs to be planned, and the process should not be conjured up spontaneously. Fifth, After the activity, the children were restless, excited, tired etc, and that is not a time when you will want facilitation to be done - it will be more appropriate to apply facilitation processes to the students at the end of the day probably.

So. I did a cursory feedback as is appropriate and mandatory for every kayaking session, and left it as it is - the children will benefit no more from any more talk from me. To wannabe outdoor educators out there: please know your stuff before speaking out loud. Read this entry if you want to know what will happen otherwise.

Bike commuting

I always think of the travelling expenses that I will save in commuting from place to place on my bicycle, but I just realised that most of the time I spend more than that amount of savings on food to satisfy my ravenous appetite after each trip.

Nonetheless, in most cases I get to my destination faster or at the same time as when I take public transport; I also get to improve my aerobic capabilities, and get a kick out of feeling speed on my face. Yup, with every step I take everyday my thighs are telling me that they are well worked.

Revisiting the Annapurna circuit

I was digging around my shelves for some certificates yesterday night and chanced upon one of my old journal notebook, which I used mainly to write about my Annapurna trek in Nepal when I went there in 2002.


I don't think I described each day in its meticulous details, but whatever that was written on the pages were enough for me to recall every single day of the almost month-long trek in vivid images. I read and remembered the people we met, the food we ate (with some recipes written down also), and some of the thoughts evoked by the experience there. Long list of detailed accounts, presents list, do's and don'ts tips (in case I make the same silly mistakes again) and even a to-do list of things pending my attention when I get back to civilization.

It was like revisiting a wholly different past life... a month of nothing but spending time with self and nature and close friends. It showed me that life can (and should) have different priorities than the accumulation of wealth, and that the exploration of terra incognito is also at the same time the exploration of the self.

Back to coaching!

Have been going back to kayaking coaching since the last fortnight - This week's the school holidays and the courses are really lining up back to back. On saturday and sunday, I took Bishan Park Secondary NPCC and NCC kids, and it's nice to see some of the kids still able to recognise my face from the time I was there in July doing attachment for the month.

Took a class of 8 Yishun Town St. John Brigade girls and 3 freelance outdoor instructors for 1 star course this morning, and they're a joy to teach. The girls approached the course (particularly the capsize drill) with the usual apprehensions, but performed splendidly in everything I taught them. Enjoyed the session with them, and am happy to know they enjoyed it too when they asked repeatedly that I complete the course with them tomorrow. It's usually much easier to make them enjoy kayak courses then making PE lessons fun and involving - attempting to make the latter happen will be my goal for the next three years at least.

PESS Physical Proficiency Test

This five station test assesses water confidence, running agility, ball and game sense, eye-hand/procimal-distal coordination in racket games, and also balance and basic gymnastic movements. I finally managed to help out in this one after missing the previous ppt last semester. So why am I so eager to help? I did not go there to ogle at girls and flirt with them (as someone in my class who did not turn up to help stayed around to do) , but because I am interested in seeing assessments of physical performances. In a perverse way, I am interested to see the best and the worst of performances, and perhaps be helpful to a group of nervous participants who are full of performance anxieties.

I recalled that when I did the PPT, I talked to a few of the people in my detail, and just before the badminton test, someone I chatted to told me that he has never held a badminton racket before. That was like a slap to my face - I wanted so much to be a good teacher, and there are jokers here who just wanted to try their luck and hope to somehow smuggle themselves into PESS without even the desire to do well in the qualifying test. As we went round the stations and I saw the usual mediocre performances in badminton and gymnastics, I realised that so many of these people just wanted to get in just because they see themselves as sportspeople and not teachers. They think they ought to be here just cos they can play soccer/basketball/run well. They dismissed the skill test components that they are weak in, and think they're silly and not worth their time.

My detail performed at the average skill range for almost everyone, but it's a joy to see a few move around well and finding space during the possession game, and one guy who lobbed strong clear shots confidently. But there's a disappointing girl who swam the breaststroke like a hummingbird (meaning bobbing upright and inching forward), played badminton like my cousin when he was ten, and flopped at gymnastics. Why did she even try when obviously she's so ill-prepared? The only thing she's trying is her luck, and it doesn't work that way unfortunately. Doesn't she feel ashamed of her effort, or guilt if she miraculously passed it?

The abuse of certification.

How often have you seen certificates being brandished by individuals as badges of honour and supposed proof of their competency in so-and-so areas? Granted that my experience of this phenomena is only limited to the outdoor scene, I definitely think I have seen enough of such showing off. Just today, I heard an anecdote of someone insisting that she should stay with a person with a sprained ankle all the while because she is 'a certified first aider', and quite a few people asks me why bother paying for a kayak certification course when they can get it for free just by attending the PESS camp with a kayaking segment.

It is unfortunate that a lot of outdoorspeople and sportspeople cannnot help but want to chip in their 1 cent's worth of opinion and knowledge in whatever sports others are talking about; worse are those who, in times of crisis, become imbued with supreme confidence out of nowhere and insists on assuming control and resposibility of the situation. For those who get certificates of proof of competency, they really should know their stuff before talking/bragging/showing off their limited knowledge and skills in front of others. Beware, I am brutally honest and combative with people who talk out of their league, and will spare no effort in shaming such displays of idiocy.

A day...

-2 hours of Dance class at 8.30am, perpetually watching time go by slowly on the clock while the lesson goes on. Endless repetition of 'Swing' moves to different music at different speed. Revision of modern Jazz dance, can't even do one routine without forgetting one or two figures throughout the numerous times we repeated it.

- Badminton class: 7 matches down in the intra-class tournament, last 2 against Yongjie and Sher Chong to go. I only got time enough to play Yongjie eventually, and it was a horribly ugly match; totally unfocussed, raring to win but without the clear-headedness to do it. Final score: 17-16, after several exchanges of serves at 16 points. What the hell...

- Biomechanics lab: Spent 10 minutes learning about using time-gait system to collect data, and the rest of the hour is spent doing nothing, except that I volunteered to be one of the runners for the data collection. Ok, my legs are really jelly now.

Gonna cycle to Yusof Ishak teach badminton again tom morning - fully prepared for it but hope my legs don't start cramping while cycling. And that I will wake up in time.

'Storming' process of teambuilding

Recently went for two trainings with the school's polo team, and realised that they really are improving, as one of my friend said in urging me to join them again. Now the drills done are more sensible, there is constant feedback and discussion after each drill and game, a lot more talking where people are trashing things out. Last week one weak point noted was that passing and receiving the ball from the sides are problematic for most of us, a drill was suggested, and we really got down to trying it this week - this active approach to building better training sessions is impressing me.

Today we played 4 Vs 4 mini games, each side taking turns to attack and defend only for a period of time. Most offensive efforts were ineffective; boats charged in and find it hard to get out, defenders crowded around the keeping area and space for a clear shot is still not available, ball is not recycled well, lack of initiative to drive in, very jerky game progression etc etc. But it's enough for me to see that everyone is aware of the problem and actively tries to talk it out and give feedback bit by bit to try make every subsequent attempt a bit better.

I regret that I wasn't able to make this attitude set in earlier, I don't know what caused this change in attitude either, but they are making me interested again. Thanks guys if you read this, that's the way to go...

My boat!

Finally, a photo of my kayak, now nicely taped up at the bumper, with my paddle there also and a cute sticker on it. Next up, the stern deck's gonna be streaked with a red laminate design...watch out for it!

Free speech in the classroom

A teacher in geography class in the US said it for what it is after his class heard Bush's State of the Union speech and was censured by the school for his anti-Bush remarks; now doesn't that sound like an act that will happen in a totalitarian state? You just need to add a little bit of violence to make it so. The scarier thought was that it was not the police, but the school district which suspended the teacher - Foucault's panapticon effect is making the education board regulating its own even before the state police does!

I happen to be a firm supporter of free speech, which is perhaps even more necessary in the classroom. Of course it should be reasonable and presented without attempting to overrule other comments in class, but it will make great food for thought for students to hear a strongly argued perspective from the teacher, to make them look at their own set of beliefs and examine it critically. Now how is that the same as 'indoctrination', or can anyone tell the difference? Isn't all teaching indoctrination? If students are going to be 'intimidated' by the acceptance of new perspectives, they should all stay at home and sleep the days away.

It seems to me that it's only the bureacracy who are sensitive about these things, when they are not the ones affected directly by the teachings. This is so kafkaesque...

Teaching style

Last week, I taught the Japanese dance that my dance project group took on, and though the comments were generally good, Mrs Goh dropped the remark that the teaching was done 'a bit too casual'. What I did was to relate the story of the dance to them, and prompted the class for the actions they think might be involved in coal-mining; these were then employed as mental images for easy remembering of the dance gestural actions. Coincidentally that same day, Alvin of my class, who will be observing my badminton lesson for the microteaching sessions, also mentioned that I tend to be quite casual with the students while teaching, and advised me to be more firm with them, at least at the start of things.

After the last microteaching session (which I thorougly enjoyed), I can really tell the difference between my style and his, or others. I want to be really friendly and approachable, going around to everyone and giving them personal attention, adopting a cheerful tone of voice, and move them from activity after activity to keep the lesson dynamic. Alvin controlled his class and directed them precisely, interjecting periods of activity with instructions while I try as far as possible to minimise instructional time and let them play.

Which is better? I think whatever works best for yourself is the one you should use. Alvin did give me spot-on feedback on how my impatience with waiting can result in me starting activities without making sure everyone has ended the previous one. I tried to be firm during my first week in Bishan Park Sec the last attachment, and I regretted that very much - it is against my very nature to be strict to students anyway. But still, if anyone do think that there are ways in which I should improve in, do let me know, cos I don't want to use my habitual nature as an excuse to avoid the effort of changing for the better.

When the going gets tough...

...the tough needs to eat. An essential quick meal at Paya Lebar on the way back to NTU from PC...

Haircutting

Sometimes I really hate getting my hair cut done at hair salons - Ok, they usually give much better haircuts than what you get at those $10-5 mins barbershops (sometimes you can't tell the difference though), but doggone it, do they have to fuss over my hair like that?? Please don't start by shampooing my hair and taking ages to work up the foam hive on my head, thinking I'm enjoying the process and squeezing more and more shampoo on. And only girlfriends should have the right to massage the scalp/ears/back of neck areas, anyone else doing it on me is almost molest.

And after the long wash of the hair looking up at the ceiling and thinking of England, the hairdressers will whip out half a dozen scissors and proceed to snip methodically and meticulously all over. If you know my restless cannot-sit-still self, you can just imagine the torture at having to sit there for so long with short hair bits falling all over the face but not being able to brush the itch away. Get on with it man! Shave it all if you have to, just release me!

Ok I appreciate the effort and the result, but please, my sunburnt dry-as-grass hair, treated with chlorine and salt water and cheap shampoo every week, really don't need that much attention can...

Wedding invitation!

A friend from my NUS days called me just now to extend his wedding invitations to me! It was like 4 years since we contacted each other - back then we knew each other through a common friend and went trekking, cycling, tennis together even before I joined him in NUS. As things turns out, I didn't get to meet him much at all even when I was in year one, though I can always remember the fun that we had together; he is one of those irrepressible personalities who can cheer up anyone on a wet rainy day in the worst of conditions I think.

Pin pin, thanks for the invitation! I am truly honoured to partake in the celebration, and touched that our friendship is still being remembered.

The hard facts

As these articles here and here says it, people nowadays seems to be afraid of the embarrassment of history and would rather deny than admit and do better. This phenomena seems to extend beyond the sociopolitical sphere into our private lives as well. If people are embarrassed about their cultural past, shouldn't they take the chance to educate people about the changes in their cultural practices rather than trying to sanitise history textbooks and deny the existence of unethical norms?

The past is a lesson for us to advance forward as a civillization, and to retreat to an Orwellian world where the past doens't exist is to invite the eternal return of human catastrophes. Every generation should be constantly educated on the tragic history of man to ensure that the ugly events never happen again. Before the Holocaust, no one knew that a government can organise a mass genocide of unimaginable scale and therefore went with it like lambs to the slaughter - in this modern day, genocides happen still because people have lost such memories or doubt that it could happen again. The truth is, it takes so very little action to start a war or a genocide. Despite the unfair verdict by the world on Bush's war against Iraq, no one could halt its progress. Go figure.

Review: Qian Zhou's Violin Recital

Just came back from Qian Zhou's recital at the VCH - wasn't a very satisfying night at all, though a good outing overal for the evening. The last I heard her I was thoroughly disgusted by how she tore through the ethereal scales of Beethoven's violin concerto like a brash bully trashing the piece into utter submission. Seeing that the romantics dominated today's programme, I decided the result will probably be more acceptable and palatable for my taste.

The first prelude played out of the ten she choosed from Shostakovich piano preludes made it plain that she is definitely out to stamp her volatile personality onto the music tonight. After fairly tearing through the preludes, Faure's sonata was up next, and even her opinionated rendition of the piece wasn't able to mask the dullness of it all. Brahms was of course the better composer, though he didn't benefitted from Qian Zhou playing his Scherzo movement in the roughest manner I have ever heard anywhere. His third sonata was surprisingly well done though, the playing more restrained and tempered as necessary, but then I actually preferred his two previous sonatas to start with.

Really, I'm not that hard to please...I just need someone to tell her to stop fudging running notes into a sharp glissando as a show of urgency, and to calm that temper down, that's all...

Climbing vids!

Download massive quicktime videos of the World Climbing Championship held in Munich 2005 here! Used to spent hours and hours scouring the net for climbing and kayaking videos, stopped for a long while but find it fun to view it again once in a while. Anyone interested in a few gigabytes of such videos in all its different 'genres' can look for me :p

Restlessness

I feel restless...I feel like I should start something new...like go for a course or something. I can't explain why, cos if I channel my energies into reading biomechanics I'm sure I'll have a lot to learn there. But then again, it's not exactly something that excites me, so guess that's out.

Back in NUS days, I remember getting hyped up and going for one learning course after another, like my various kayak certification and coaching courses, rope courses, NCAP etc. Taking the rock climbing and abseiling instructor course was especially siong, cos these two are a three-times-a-week commitment, and I have to leave NUS to go out for sessions before going back hall late at night. But it's damn shiok when I leave hall for them wondering what I'll learn later.

I've such a short attention span, that's probably the problem. When I graduate out of PESS I'll probably think back and wished I learned more here. But right now, I can't say my modules fully satisfy my lust for learning. No extra money to go for SSC sports courses and such though, guess I'll just stick to reading biomechanics for now....

Challenges

I was asked if I felt any anxiety for the upcoming microteaching session at Yusof Ishak sec on thursday - well I did felt a bit apprehensive about it previously, but as the days draw nearly I'm strangely more excited and looking forward to it. The uncertainty makes it exciting I guess, and although there's always the chance of meeting with failure and disappointment, I'm eager to go out and try out my unit plan. First lesson is will probably be a tentative experience for both myself and the students, but I'm sure things will go smoothly as the session goes.

Think I'm a sucker for challenges, it's my way of making myself live life fully without regrets. I'll rather fail than not try at all - though this microteaching chance is something we just have to go through, I guess it helps to feel confident and eager to go into it. Going into teaching itself is a big plunge for me - I think it will be an easier way out for myself if I had went for OBS instead. But I'm sure that along with the huge amount of disappointment and pain that I will experience as a teacher, I will get back little tokens of satisfaction, kindness, and perhaps appreciation to make the effort worth it, all in all.

Reunion

Had been a while since I posted, not that life was any less boring (in fact the days went by happily everyday), but time had been committed from the computer to school and stuff. Dance project's almost settled, unit plan for microteaching done, and I'm back to coaching paddling and playing polo again. Yes it's good to spend time away from the computer.


Most notable thing that happened was the secondary school class gathering yesterday evening - haven't seen some people for years already, but the personalities' still all very recognisable. I think when we were younger, we were friends because we played and hanged out together; coming back together like this years down the road, our friendship now hinges on supportiveness and listening ears. Reunions also makes you feel old - you just can't help feeling that life has swept you along its path, and progress had to be made somewhere along the way in areas such as career and love life.

Disgusted at...

...the utter arrogance of certain lecturers and teachers, who think that they are all powerful and capable, and can bend rules to their wishes. Power and authority in these peoples' hands is abused and misused, and they use it to coerce respect from others and give themselves credibility. Shame on them for pretending to be role models for students.

Life at 30km/h

After 5 and a half hours, 77km and a sore pubic bone, I'm back in hall - Cycled from NTU to Tampines and back, taking two different routes. Tiring but exhilarating! High chance I'll be cycling from here to Changi Road (Kembangan MRT thereabouts) tom again, because I left my wallet there at a bike shop after purchasing something. Hope it's still there!

An analysis of Johari's window survey

It's just interesting to see how the people perceive me from their perspective - granted that the results are a bit skewed cos as someone said "How come there are only good traits, no stupid, idiotic etc...", still, the thing is that how people describe me so accurately describe also the context in which they know me. I'm not a believer of rock-solid personality and think most people display different traits in different situations, so it's really about the circumstances that people encounter you most often that formed them their opinions of you.

I think people whom I know through sports or in school tend to see me as an independent and confident person, which I can only agree to a certain extent. People whom I confided in before will say that I am a sentimental person and tend to list more of the 'quieter' traits. Those who says that I am calm and relaxed are the kan cheong ones, and the one person who said I am brave is often chided by me for being too cautious! (You know who you are :p)

And the two who said that I am a 'giving' person happen to be the ones who hold special places in my heart.

Pedaling

Cycled out of school with my roommate, wanting to go visit a few nearby bike shops to just get a cheap bike stand and fix up a problem with the cleats on my cycling shoes. My roommate ended up ordering a pair of cycling shoes himself with a shop at freaking Thomson road, and despite the very heavy rain that started while we were at Jurong East, I was somehow persuaded by him to pick that up there and then, pedaling that far through the stormy wetness of the late noon.

I got to admit that among all the sports that I do, cycling must be the most dangerous of them all. I had paddled in waters with 2 metre waves and climbed 30 metre natural climbing routes, but nothing beats cycling among the traffic of our familiar streets in terms of hazards. When I fly downhill and approachs 40km/h, I'll always start wondering when I will accidentally slip on gravel or the wet ground, lose control and fly through the air with my bike (yes, that will happen because I'm clipped into the pedals). It takes intense concentration to pedal in disciplined fashion on the double yellow lines for tens of kilometres, and on busy stretches I wonder when a vehicle might graze my shoulder with the side mirrors and make me crash.

Then again, being on your toes always to focus solely on the road, and the urge to keep up a fast speed to hear the rushing wind, provide me with an endless supply of adrenaline. To relax and feel tired satisfaction after a long ride...bliss!

Johari's window

Here's what people say about me...what do you think?

Arena (known to self and others) adaptable, friendly, giving, happy, reflective	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, accepting, bold, brave, calm, clever, complex, confident, dependable, energetic, helpful, idealistic, independent, ingenious, intelligent, knowledgeable, observant, organised, patient, quiet, relaxed, responsive, searching, self-assertive, sensible, sentimental, spontaneous, trustworthy, warm
Façade (known only to self) cheerful	Unknown (known to nobody) caring, dignified, extroverted, introverted, kind, logical, loving, mature, modest, nervous, powerful, proud, religious, self-conscious, shy, silly, sympathetic, tense, wise, witty

All Percentages

able (6%) accepting (6%) adaptable (18%) bold (6%) brave (6%) calm (6%) caring (0%) cheerful (0%) clever (6%) complex (6%) confident (37%) dependable (18%) dignified (0%) energetic (50%) extroverted (0%) friendly (25%) giving (12%) happy (6%) helpful (37%) idealistic (31%) independent (37%) ingenious (6%) intelligent (12%) introverted (0%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (25%) logical (0%) loving (0%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (6%) organised (12%) patient (12%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (6%) reflective (25%) relaxed (12%) religious (0%) responsive (6%) searching (6%) self-assertive (6%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (12%) sentimental (37%) shy (0%) silly (0%) spontaneous (18%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (12%) warm (31%) wise (0%) witty (0%)

An die Musik!

A spate of chamber music concerts coming up! Bought 3 pairs of tickets for each of the three concerts here, spending only $53 in all (!):

1. 1st March - Qian Zhou Violin Recital; playing Beethoven's 'Spring' sonata, Faure's 1st sonata, Brahms's Scherzo movement from the 'FAE' sonata, and Brahms's 3rd Sonata.
2. 21st March - Li Wei, Cello Live; Shostakovich sonata, Adagio and Allegro by Schumann, and Brahms 2nd sonata.
3. 12th April - Cellissimo; with a programme of many short pieces each played by a different conservatory student.

Here's another two that I am contemplating going for (esp. the solo violin recital!), with only my budget stopping me:

1. 2nd March - Cello Masterpieces; Debussy, Prokofiev, Rachmaninov sonatas.
2. 2nd April - Darin Varbanov Solo Violin Recital; Solo works by Paganini, Bach, Wieniawski , Ysaye etc etc!

Just got my paycheck and think I'll be done spending it real soon; I always tell myself worthwhile chamber concerts are a must-watch because they are so rare in Singapore. SSO's orchestral music programming is so staid and boring, better to stick to intimate chamber music.

Different schools of thought

Back in my NUS days, the days went by like a breeze. Lessons were only tolerated till play time, followed by an intense sleepless period of assignment writing, a short cramming period, then the exams. Though I was never late for any essay deadlines, I was as slack as anyone can be in school, most of my energy being expended on sports and ODAC stuff.

It's rather a culture shock to be in NIE and seeing people working diligently everywhere. The stories were that NIE is a place for post-grads to slack, as there's no pressure to perform well and that it's just a matter of getting the work done.

But no...I remember I nearly died last sem from stress, unused as I was to being hunted down for project meeting one after another just by sitting in the canteen, when previously NUS canteen time was for pure idling and literary insider jokes. I played games so hard till I have to give up, and still have to contend with the academic work, not to mention being stressed out by the studiousness of people around me. I'm really amazed by most of the PESS cohort people for having so much enthusiasm for any work given to them, and it makes me feel quite out of place with my slack mentality ha.

This academic semester has been very easy on me, and I'm grateful for it. Time is never enough for all the things that I will like to do however - first things first, and the interests close to my heart will always be foremost in priorities. I still have a vehement hatred of group projects too.

Said's Orientalism and its critics

Here's a review of For Lust of Knowing: the orientalists and their enemies by Orientalist scholar Robert Irwin refuting Said's unrelenting critique on the field of Oriental studies in Orientalism. though he is a notorious card-carrying political critic of literature. As expected, his biggest argument against this book is its blatant ignorance of the politics behind Eastern cultural studies, when political involvement is the exactly the reason for the creation and propagation of this field of knowledge today. Point goes to Terry for never failing to read and write politics in literature, Said gets his respite from the weak thrusts at his arguments from this book, and Irwin sounds like the loser to me here.

Sea touring...

Had supper with Junbin on monday night, and we talked about sea touring inevitably - of dreams of getting my foldable kayak, bringing it to paddle and whale watch in the cold seas of Alaska, maybe visiting Halong bay in Vietnam this december for a start etc. We're truly damn one kind I think, not many like us in Singapore, who have dreams of seeing the world from the cockpit of a boat.

It's a wonderful view of the world from the sea...mostly silent, usually isolated, and giving you a perspective that puts you in awe of nature and make you want to stay within its watery folds. You will see things that most others will not see, watching from the land (have you not, seeing kayakers paddling by, ever thought about how you will be seen by them from out there?).

Kayak touring is addictive, I get hooked straight from my first experience. I can exercise and feel strong out at sea paddling my craft, enjoy the scenery and seeing the sky and water meet, and at night rest and reflect on the day and on my own thoughts.

I can feel the wind on my face...

See the sun descend from the sky...


Ponder about life under the unearthly beauty of the moon...


And see the sun rise again the next day in glorious fashion.


Like many outdoor adventures, sea touring help to remind you of the beauty of this world, cleanse your spirit of negativity, and recharge you for more challenges ahead. Getting a foldable boat is the key to further adventures like these, and I know these are experiences that I cannot do without.

School progress report I

Anatomy: Only have the notes for 2 of the lectures in all, never really paid attention in class, and totally clueless about everything from the Sliding Filament theory onwards.

Instructional Methods: Small little ideas here and there, hoping that they can be pieced up coherently into 4 lessons plans.

Social Context in Education: Last presentation to do, glad it's gonna be over.

Dance: Two left feet - Uselessly hobbling around trying to do the Polka step today, pathetic. Project topic yet to be decided upon.

Badminton: Studied for the test with a cursory glance at the rules last week, didn't know the answers to half of the questions just now.

Quite screwed, all in all. I'm a hopeless student.

Teaching effort

During the time when I was actively coaching recreational kayakers at PC, I made an effort of thinking about the lesson plan and schedule, and as time goes by I will make mental notes of learning points and assimilate them into subsequent lessons. I read and do research on technical information online and in books, tried out different disciplines and tried to make linkages between them to compare and contrast the uses of strokes and equipments in different contexts.

And for all my preparations, sometimes there will be days when a shortage of equipment or unfavourable weather ruin my plans for the class, making me feeling extremely unsatisfied, knowing that although the participants are often not aware of it, I have shortchanged them in some way because I cannot give them as much as I will like to.

Now this feeling is coming back as I think of my lesson plans for my upcoming microteaching sessions with a secondary school class - it's just damn hard to let 20 students learn badminton seriously within 2 badminton court area. Either they are stuck with mostly static activities, or I have to devise different sets of activities that will run concurrently opposite each other so that facility space can be given to each group at different times. Stuck at thinking of these activities for them, I shudder to think of managing 40 students by myself next time.

I really want to give my all to my future students; I only hope I eventually proved to have the aptitude to achieve that.

Truth and Trust

A friend blogged a thought-provoking post about trust and truthfulness in a relationship, likening it to a chicken-or-egg problem - which one comes first? If one partner do not trust, truthfulness does not matter; conversely, if there's no truthfulness, how does the trust comes about?

I think the quality of 'trust' is in part quite like 'love' (many will say the two are synonymous) - It's something you can (and should) give freely and willingly without conditions or demands from the other party for anything, you can't very well show it, and only time can tell whether the gift is warranted or well-deserved.

Daily learnings

I have thought of this a few times: of learning and remembering something new everyday. A small step each day towards building encyclopaedic knowledge.

But it has been a while since I last attended a class and got really interested in it. It's rather silly to build up a trove of trivial facts too, unless they can be useful in certain contexts. I read books for information on practical stuff, but it's hard to retain the knowledge unless it can be practiced.

Maybe I should just hit my books and get back to studying. I can keep learning new things that way cos most of the time I'm reading my notes for the first time and not revising it. Tsk tsk...

The mantle of leadership

What will you do in these situations when there is a call for a leader to step forward?

1. You're as clueless as everyone about the situation and the task - what will make you go forward?
2. If most of the people in group knows something about the task and you're one of the clueless one, will you take a step backward and relinquish the chance to learn?
3. If you are the only one in the know and the rest of the group are not, will you step out to 'help' the situation, or will you try to let someone lead and learn from the process?
4. From 3 - what if no one wants to come forward to try being a leader? Will you just do it for the sake of saving everyone, and let the rest hide behind your expertise?

Complicated scenarios, to which I have no answers to often. I ask these questions because I faced dilemma number 3 and 4 recently. Personally, I felt that there's no point with me taking a key role in an outdoor camp committee as others will have more to learn from the experience and I might well turn dictatorial when it comes to decisions, basing them on my past experiences and not budging on opinions unless someone can prove them misguided. But it seems that I have overestimated the capacity of the PE cohort to simultaneously have a strong interest to learn, and to take the brave step of stepping up to be a leader. And if eventually I will be relied on, and I know I will try my best to help when asked, shouldn't I just as well take the leading role?

What will you do?

Coming of age...

4th of February, Saturday
(A rainy day - cycling to Tampines with Enric)

Me: Wah lau, you know ah the last time I cycled in the rain like this was in secondary 3 or 4...that's like 10 years ago man...

[shortly after]

Me: You know huh, a lot of people my age in NIE are already getting married, or going too already...

Enric: Har? So young? How old are they?

Me: Around my age lah. The girls marry even younger...at a time when they are having babies, I'm still going around telling people, "Hey, look I got a new bike!"

Enric: [Guffaws]

Liquid life

"Picturing yourself as a boat on the open sea conjured a similar image of life unfettered by restrictions or limits" - Kokology 2, Tadahiko Nagao/Isamu Saito

Lameness...

I was reminded today that I seemed to have stopped going to the gym since this semester started. I visited the gym twice a week religiously last semester, wanting to catch up with the NTU polo guys in strength and speed, but now I've sort of lost the motivation to train polo at NTU at all, so the desire to get stronger has waned.

And I happened to have left a lot of other things out of my life too. I haven't coached kayaking for maybe, half a year? - Weekends seems too short for me to do coaching. Haven't paddled out at sea for months too - friends never jio me go. Climbing? - err...hopefully soon. Maybe when I get a new harness. Rope access work? Haven't got the lobang, no weekend jobs. Trekking? No totally free weekends, no kakis, no nice destinations etc etc.

I have such great excuses for everything. My current one is that my wounds can't get wet, so no polo for me for this week at least. Next week? I'll see how...

Teachers and Outdoor Educators

It is an extraodinarily wide chasm that separates the (physical education) teacher apart from the outdoor educator, and it is painful to see the differences between the two being glossed over when the former tries to assume the latter role under illusions of competency and with arrogance.

Some common assumptions on the part of teachers who tries to act as legitimate outdoor educators:

1. That being a recreational climber/trekker/kayaker/cyclist etc give them enough authority to supervise, or worse, teach others in the sports;
2. That being an outdoor educator means giving out sage advices and technical information about the outdoors (sometimes only about the gears that they are using), whether or not others are interested to know;
3. That engagement in the outdoor activities is the be-all and end-all of outdoor education;
4. That facilitation work means asking participants "So what do you feel about the activity..." questions after each day;
5. That the best programmes are the ones that pack the most activities in them at the cheapest rates;
6. That safety in outdoor activities means no risk, or no fun, from both the physical and psychological perspective.
   

In the outdoor classroom, the educator sets up the environment but do not push the student through the lesson. It is a place where the student is truly empowered, and the teacher must cede power to the students to decide what they want to take away from the experiences.

Some rash words from my impetuous self, prompted by a fear that the upcoming PESS outdoor education 'module' will breed yet another batch of teachers who believe they are true outdoor educators after the camp.

A happy Chinese New Year...

This was quite an exceptional Chinese new year for me - many unexpected things occured, mostly pleasant surprises though.

Reunion dinner - at my eldest uncle's new place. Very nice and beautiful house, decorated in good taste. He cooked the entire dinner like a chef in the restaurant, crabs and all, each dish coming up one by one, and even spoiled us with 3 different dessert courses at the end of it all. It's always nice to have a dinner with my extended family, especially now that all the kids (me included) are more grown up and can take part in conversations with everyone else. First time I cycled to a reunion dinner too.

First Day (early noon) - Woke up super late, and after a short visit to my real aunt's (my mum was adopted, and my extended family usually means her adopted family's siblings) place, we went to Tan Tock Seng Hospital to visit my grandma. She went to the hospital after the dinner the night before, feeling nauseous and apparently unable to pass urine; the doctors are suspecting kidney problems. Her mind was on her discomfort when we visited her, but I hope our visit gave her some measure of comfort, nonetheless.

First Day (late noon) - My whole family visited my father's sister's place (what do you call that?), and his younger brother's family was there too. Except for my dad, we didn't keep in touch with them for like, more than 10 years? By now my nephew is now a gangly lad in SP, and one of my cousin got married with 3 kids, and the other just married last month too. My goodness, what a world of difference I see in them, and them in me too I suppose. Realised that, one will have to expect to see relatives go through with life's cycle with each year, getting attached, then married, then in some other following years with kids, and it makes me conscious of my age all of a sudden.

First Day (evening) - We're finally back at my uncle's place after the previous night, where the extended family usually congregate in each year in the noontime to exchange angpows. It feels strange to meet everyone this late this time round, but good food and talk makes it more memorable actually, because now there's no pressure for anyone to run off visiting other places.

First Day (midnight) - Gambling! A new year custom that can't be missed! Visit to a place where all my sec school mates meet up, and played mahjong and cards after that. Won over $80, how cool is that.

Glad to know that while some things will change and move on with each year, other familiar and comforting things never do.