Misunderstood

Karen said:

"I think they (dogs) are grossly misunderstood - it's not that they like to watch the door; they just want to go in..."

Though they can only show their intentions by gestures, it seems to me that they are much more easily understood than man. Though we can talk, speech can serve to mask the essential difficulty of making oneself clear and totally honest to another, don't you think so?

Another dimension...

Literature class is starting next week for me.

Today, I somehow grew impatient with reading my penguin's edition of Russian Short Stories and decided to start on Edward W. Said's Reflections on Exile, a thick tome of collected essays on topics such as literature, art, colonialism, the Arabic world, and Palestine issues. About high time I took this out too, because I think I bought it 3-4 years ago and never read a page of it.

On the long train and bus ride from AMK to NTU, I couldn't even finish his introduction to the book. I discovered that I have quite lost the ability to make sense of literary writings, or to grasp the overall topical concerns of just that one chapter. I can't remember what 'reification' or 'antinomy' means anymore, what are the different critical perspectives of writers like Lukacs, Adorno, Benjamin, Bloch, Horkheimer, Habermas when Said dropped their names all stringed up in a single sentence. And there are some parts of the writing when I just skipped totally out of exasperation from non-understanding.

I only could empathise with certain topics and writings on them now, and vaguely grasp the logical strands of literary arguments related to keywords such as 'Immediacy' or 'Historiography'. I still delight in reading perverse sentences that describes too much in an attempt to fix its meaning exactly, such as this:

...there is the sense of dissonance engendered by estrangement, distance, dispersion, years of lossness and disorientation-and, just as important, the precarious sense of expression by which what "normal" residents find easy and natural to do requires in exile an almost excessive deliberation, reiteration, and affirmation that are undercut by doubt and irony.

It seems that I'm trying to fit myself into the rarefied atmosphere of the literary again (specifically, the complexities of modern/postmodern discourses), going back to reading such torturous texts hoping to discover some benign epiphanies everytime I find myself understanding its dense arguments.

Undoubtedly, I have grown stupid and lazy since my days as an undegraduate. Then again, wasn't that always the case, and that I didn't had that much erudition and intelligence to start with?

A day in pictures

This is my classmate Daniel listening attentively to Mr. Azhar in class. He's damn cool sia - the guy must have like, 20 different pairs of Nike shoes in all the different funky styles. Notice here that his clothes for the day is matched by the colour combinations in his shoes and his crumpler bag.

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That's Mr. Azhar at the astroturf, walking all around it in the after-rain mist laying out marking cones in preparation for the next lesson. Cool right? He's my idol sia...

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Walked past Raffles Place and saw this adorable cat with a luxuriant grey coat sleeping the day away. It was oblivious to the crowd and me approaching it for a nice shot, and I restrained myself from wanting to sayang it to avoid waking it up. Cute kitty...

Notable things...

It's the Seventh month of the Chinese lunar calender now, and the burning of joss papers had been ongoing for a while already. Since young, I could never get used to the smoke that irritates my nose incessantly and those unsightly piles of burnt paper ashes that clogs up the drainage covers and sometimes get carried by the wind up to my flat. I had always hoped that when the present older generation has passed on, this silly and very irritating custom, along with other nonsensical acts by the elderly like jostling to board and disembark from transport, queue-cutting, general uncivilised habits etc, will disappear too.

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The newspapers and Gerald reported the general chaos that resulted from the masses trying to view the firework displays going on these days. If the festival was designed to attract people to view it, then isn't it the organiser's fault if chaos emerged and traffic comes to a halt because they didn't plan for the turnout? Don't think it's worth my time to see it myself, transient beauty such as fireworks always leaves me unsatisfied in a way. It gives people a 'wow' moment, but it's not the type of beauty that touches people and leave indelible marks on the memory after that.

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Yesterday on the bus back from Mel's place, I had a sudden recall of a triumphant feeling, that I had conquered or won over something in the day. The events of the day were nondescript, but that fantastic feeling must be associated to one of them. And then, the revelation: That euphoric moment came from my full effort poured into cycling back from school. My average speed is still average at best compared to more regular cyclists, but I sure couldn't go much faster than I did then, and it felt really good to give your best in a sporting moment and experience the 'high' afterwards.

Lit class gathering

It was a great night yesterday - some of the great young literary minds (many great teachers too!) on the island gathered together around a table to snack nonstop on desserts and sweet stuff the whole night through.

The talk was flowing nonstop like the coke out of the cans and meandered round subjects of all sort, from the hilarious-nonsensical to the downright naughty-bitchiness. It was a lovely night people!

Perspectives

recall
This is a picture I took at dawn enroute while cycling from Eunos back home; I had polo training the night before and then didn't sleep a wink playing mahjong at Mag's place. In an airy-headed state, I actually saw the world as quite a pretty picture: I just had to stop at a junction, look up, and saw this piece of azure sky acting as backdrop for the mosque's tower, flanked by a lamppost that had the audacity to thrust a label across the picture frame and with an overshadowed yellow light below it. Don't ask me why, it was pretty awesome to me at that moment of time, if only I could have a better camera than my phone.

PE Paradise

In Instructional Strategies class, Mr. Azhar described a world where Physical Education is conducted in almost the best way possible. In that school, the students learn various skills with certification goals to assure competency at a certain level, such as swimming certifications progressively as they go through the secondary school levels, sports climbing level 1 etc. Each term, games will be taught and skill assessed at the end of the module, and a grade given which will be reflected in the report book (PE is considered an academic subject there; failure to pass it means failure to promote).

Of course, so far no students have failed it yet, as skill test is only one of the assessment component, and other things like sportsmanship, punctuality, turnout and bearing also count. Another reason is because students becomes so diligent and earnest in learning the skills taught in class due to a desire to perform well for better grades.

It proves my opinion right again - that the imposing of rigorous standards, assessment methods, performance benchmarks, all help to increase the standing and importance of PE for both students and teachers alike. In that school, all teachers are required to teach all that's inside the curriculum, meaning they must all be able to be assessors and certifiers of skills like swimming and climbing etc. Just imagine the energy the department will have, when PE is elevated in importance to the other academic subjects!

What a glorious thought...though schools like this are very few indeed in this land...

1st week of school

Well, so school has began again. It was a slow start, with my second subject's (literature) lessons not starting until the last week of August. Right now, only 3 modules to go for -

1. Instructional Strategies - A continuation/repetition of instruction methods last semester. Same old thing all over, teach class management and planning, and then go teach outside in some school for last 4 weeks of module. But the tutor Mr Mohd Azhar, new to NIE, makes a very good impression, and hopefully he can constantly make us discover new learning points.
   
2. Motor learning/Sports psychology - Two different topics lumped together, a lucky thing as both seems pretty tedious in many ways.
   
3. Soccer - First lesson today, again by Azhar, is interesting, fun, and very tiring. He really practice what he preaches, throwing in learning points strategically while letting us play for a damn long time. My utmost respect to his teaching skills here, and I need to get my soccer skills on par with his expectations man (I suck lah).

Bad news: No recess week this term. Good news: Last week of lessons is end October, and exams is on 24th November, so I've got 3 full weeks to go for a long holiday before that! Woohoo! Now to find the moolah to finance that dream vacation...

Down with Cough!

Got possessed by a dry and unproductive cough for the past 2 weeks, and it still comes back once in a while after diagnosis and medication last week, though I have to admit I didn't take my medication punctually.

Apparently I've got 'allergic cough', which I noticed is frequently triggered by consumption of cold drinks and sporting activities, resulting in a spell of strong coughing that threatens to make me vomit. The doc says nasal discharges at the back of the nasal cavity can trigger throat irritation, and that itself is triggered by allergic reaction to the environment (as you all know, I got allergic rhinitis and am sensitive to the surrounding for most of my waking hours). A cold throat, caused by cold drinks and a cooling of the body core upon sweating during sports, can also trigger that.

So how? I haven't been a good patient so far, and still order my cold drinks habitually in addition to missing my medication schedule. Must resolve to stop ordering teh peng everytime already...

Contemplating my career future...

I'm usually not one to think about my career prospects and advancements, but thoughts of how things will be 10-20 years from now if I stick at it in teaching intrigue me. Will I stay on to be a teacher still and handle the everyday stress of handling kids, their schoolworks and the preparation for lessons? Or will I want to be a high flyer-wannabe and aspire to be HOD? VP? P? Or how about being a curriculum specialists, set new content for teachers to teach and for students to swallow?

Wanting to work with students is the main reason why I joined the teaching profession, and so following any other career paths will take me away from it. However, I wonder if there's a limit to how much of this daily stress I can take - hopefully things can get more comfortable as time goes by.

On the other hand, being a HOD or a person in power gives me the chance to change things for (what I feel is) the better, and the satisfaction of creating great changes and revolutions is uncomparable. That was my reason for wanting to be ODAC president back in NUS days...

Or maybe I can focus on the outdoors and work with MOE to regulate these activities with my skills and knowledge, which will probably be useless to most schools. But it probably doesn't give me the satisfaction of being in the other two positions.

So how?

In the news...

PE as O level subject
Victoria school and dunno which other secondary school is introducing PE as an O'level subject for students - this can only be good news! If this move can be infectious, the entire profession will improve as teachers will then need to be more professional and prepared in their lesson delivery, and students for once can finally gain the full benefit of a quality PE lesson, and be motivated to keep fit and learn skills.

Possible obstacles to its implementation?

• Need to educate PE teachers to O'level curriculum
• Having a syllabus will impose a strict structure to teaching (but only slack schools will worry about that)
• Need for PE teachers to upgrade knowledge and skills, training time required.
  
• Possible lack of resources and facilities to deliver lessons as per required by syllabus
• Principle does not see the need for the move (unless MOE starts to actively promote it)
• Unmotivated departments
• Slack teachers and departments
• Slack teachers and departments
• Slack teachers and departments

Traffic rules for cyclists
The trial of the bus driver who killed cyclist Sylvester Ang a while back reawakened discussions on the rights of cyclists on roads. There is apparently a set of traffic regulations and guidelines for cyclists, but it is definitely very poorly disseminated to the general public. Not only do the cyclists need to know and observe them, but motorists should also understand these guidelines and stop thinking that they own the roads.

These acts have kept me alive and cycling on the roads so far:

• Signalling intentions with hand signals like any other motorists (at least cars have light indicators!)
• Being disciplined, cycling arrow-straight on the double lines and don't swerve out into the middle of the lanes to avoid objects; look out, anticipate, and slow down if you go over uneven terrain rather than swerve out.
• Putting blinker lights on the bike, front and back.

Notes

In school - Worthwhile inventions that should be produced

1. Chairs that moves along fixed rails on the floor beneath the desk - so that students cannot move them around for illegal gatherings.
2. Desks that sounds a buzzer when a human forearm/head is rested on it - to wake sleepyheads up/alert teachers to sleepers.
3. A device that will deactivate cellphones and scramble soundwaves from mp3 players.

Elsewhere...

1. Bukit Timah road has been repaved with a new layer of asphalt! Cycling on it has never been smoother till now, can finally use my aerobars along that stretch without having to worry about potholes and manholes etc.
2. Watched "How much do you love me" yesterday, quite a funny show that vacillates between seriousness and the farcical, backed by a repertoire of operatic arias that help in the comedic moments. Monica Bellucci is really voluptuous, but looks quite haggard on the closeups.
3. Met Yuanyin for the above show, but regretted that there wasn't much time to spend talking and catching up. Remembering a potential date with Shahidzul too, catching up on climbing and mahjong with Roland. Sorry if some of you have been missing me guys, training frenzy for polo is on right now, and already, I'm not being too disciplined in sticking to my training schedule...

Not so friendly after all.

Played friendly games with my team last night, and it wasn't a good night at all.

First I played as the keeper and got hit by many balls flying into the goal just out of my paddle reach even though I was watching it all the way. Being stuck in that unfamiliar role also means I didn't know when and how far to stay behind to defend or move up to attack. After staying far away from the action in the first game and effectively removing myself from the game by being too cautious, I take the ball and dribbled in to attack in the second game, and got caught out when the last man couldn't mark the opponents doing fast break attacks.

Secondly, I'll remember the night for its Zidane moments, when the captain of one team inexplicably lost his cool for no good reason TWICE and acted like a hooligan, to the extent of verbally challenging my friend. Referee had to blow the whistle not because my friend fouled him but because he wanted to stop the commotion from turning into a brawl. He later asked me to bear no hard feelings for the incidents, but gave me a lame reason to justify his actions (from his attitude he evidently felt that it was justified), and said it was 'too bad' that he had to behave like this. It didn't help that his team was also paddling in an inappropriate manner, throwing paddle fouls around and paddling at my team's throat level across their boats, though this was most likely done unconsciously.

I regretted arranging the friendlies game last night - it did us no good at all and only bred ill-feelings. I'm sorry to have made my friends come down to suffer all these indignities from a team lacking in sportsmanship.

Winning is not everything.

A great read!

I packed a small hardcover copy of Madame Bovary into my bag when I went out 2 days ago, and was totally hooked by it while on public transport. Being an English translation of the original text in French, I do not know who owns the credit for the wonderful writing. In short, a story of a woman so enamored with the ideals of romance that she became an adulteress and went headlong to (so I heard) a tragic outcome. Such accuracy of psychological details, and such appropriate succinctness of lines, that says so much with such elegance!

Here, read this: 'but now this pretty woman he adored was his for life. The universe, for him, was contracted to the silken compass of her petticoat' - the blind and devoting love of a man, wonderfully described!

And here too -
' It seemed to her that certain parts of the world must produce happiness, as they produce peculiar plants which will flourish nowhere else. Why could she not now be leaning on the balcony of a Swiss chalet...' - Indeed! My sentiments exactly!

'He couldn't swim, or fence, or fire a pistol, and was unable to explain a riding term she came across in a novel one day. Whereas a man, surely, should know about everything; excel in a multitude of activities, introduce you to passion in all its force, to life in all its grace, initiate you into all mysteries! - Charming, passionate lines, at the same time inspiring for us and a telling comment upon the naïve character of Madame Bovary.

'His ardours lapsed into a routine, his embraces kept fixed hours; it was just one more habit, a sort of dessert he looked forward to after the monotony of dinner' - My my, what a dreary scene described, one hoped never to be confined to a suffocating relationship like this after being cloistered up in a private world after marriage.

'The older among them retained a youthful air, while the young ones revealed a certain maturity. Their nonchalant glances reflected the quietude of passions daily gratified; behind their gentleness of manner one could detect that peculiar brutality inculcated by dominance in not over-exacting activities such as exercise strength and flatter vanity - the handling of thoroughbreds and the pursuit of wantons.' - Describing both the modern day and Victorian age gentlemen who glided the halls of high society.

Marvellous writing; I have no doubt this book will keep me enthralled for the coming week.

The well-tampered clavier

There is an upright piano at the foyer of the school, with its lid up and keyboard always ready to take a pounding. The notes sounding from its tarnished black lacquered body are probably in need of professional tuning, and I wouldn't be surprised if one or two keys are stuck.

Everyday, I heard snatches of misplaced chords and fragments of a melodic line drifting faintly from the piano at recess time, and usually see 2 or 3 kids sitting on the piano bench enjoying companionship. The fractured portions of the music that they imagined doesn't seem to disturb them very much; they are more likely compelled to tinker with the keys that can hammer out something interesting rather than engaging in music-making. But like them, I'm similarly attracted to the sound of music, or rather, just pure simple tones. The latter alone is enough to transcend the ubiquitous bustle of life, and temporarily dislocate my consciousness to an awareness of its calling.

So often had I wished that my parents had forced me to take up the piano lessons that they offered me when I was very young, or had the chance to keep persist in my violin lessons through my life stages. I dream a lot about being able to sit at the worn-out piano every recess and play Chopin, or to go busking in the midst of the crowd in Orchard and play Bach on the solo violin. I want to give more of this world a glimpse of the beautiful and magical through the transcendental powers of music.

It's E-Learning day!

Today and tom, the kids in my school will be at home the whole day reading stuff off the net and doing online assignments, leaving the teachers to join in focus group discussions and myself, probably to slack the day away. Then again, that's what I've been doing most days. Because the canteen is closed, I'll probably go out of school for some food later, then come back surf net and use the nice gym here, and that'll probably waste the working hours away.

Things are ok for this practicum here lah. I'm not bothered by many things and pretty much left alone to slack. The students are mostly nice, with some of us making an impression on each other in this short time already. I join in 2 badminton sessions and 1 ODAC session with the kids every week, and really enjoy them though that means I leave school real late. Most of the teachers are quite stressed out here though, most don't bother to lift up their eyes to look you in the face and smile when paths crossed, but that's ok. For the first time, I hear idle chatter and laughter here in the staffroom now; the absence of the students must be a welcoming relief.

What's I've learnt in school thus far (mostly unrelated to PE):

• Some teachers like to be in a good supportive staffroom, some wants a place which has kids with best behaviours, I think I am looking for a place where my talents will be valued and put to best use.
• The P and VP can really set the mood and atmosphere of the staffroom. The entire morale level of the teachers depends on their EQ and ambition.
• If you don't show that you're serious about teaching (esp. with PE lessons), the kids naturally can't be bothered to pay attention or do what you instruct them.
  

Despite my revelations, I'm itching to get back to NIE playground and play on. 1o more days to go!

Beijing-Lhasa Railway

This is one train ride that I want to take! I love comfortable train rides, and the one in India is somehow rather attractive to me, although it's a bit crampy and the bed barely enough for my height. How great it will be, to look out at the scenery from 5000m+, in the comfort of the pressurised cabins inside. Read about it here, and there's a photo-article here too.

Numbed

School is a routine that starts the day, before my mind starts running. I'm in a sort of limbo here, most other teachers are busy and milling around, while the few of us on school experience just follow around and do nothing much, except for the horribly tedious practicum journal that we are supposed to write about. I really don't have much of a life to blog about already, can finally understand Alex's sentiments man.

Teaching Practicum I...

...is a bore. There is nothing much to learn so far - PE lessons are all about making kids run and be in better shape for their NAPFA tests, observing lit class is rather more productive and interesting. And we have to do a hell lot of writing and reflective work on very dull lessons, imagine that. It will definitely be a test of my creative writing skills.

Everyone I heard had to get used to the schooling routine of waking up early and such, which is draining on me even though I don't do much for the day actually. Today I just learnt that I can't go back to sit in the air-conditioned staff room after lunch - I'll just go into hibernation mode immediately.

Seriously counting down now to the end of the practicum already, and for a return to PESS! However tiring it is, training for polo and playing badminton are the only things that keeps me sane. And of course, visiting a certain teacher in BPSS regularly...

Some things since I came back...

1. My room is now in a mess.
2. I'm perpetually aware that I'll 'start work' next monday (not that I am worried or concerned in any way at all, but it's just a nagging irrational feeling of sianness)
3. My polo skills suck, real badly. I now weight a wimpy 65kg for my 1.78m height, and simply lack the pure brute strength necessary for the sport. Worse is the fear that I experienced every other minute in the game, fear of passing because the pass will go wayward or be intercepted, fear of shooting because the forceful shot is simply not there. Everytime there is a 50-50 ball, I already know I'll lose the chase. It's a dreary feeling.
4. Because of that, I have planned a 7 day training plan for each week to see where my best effort can take me. 4 pool sessions, 2 gym workouts, and one day of of ball throwing. On top of that, I'm cycling down to NTU and back for every training, and going early to warmup with practice throws too. I'll either improve or disintegrate.
5. I discovered that I've got average grades for last semester, which is to be expected. This comfort with mediocrity, I wonder if it's something to worry about. I can't tell myself, as I did in NUS, that outside of studies I'm picking up a lot more skills. Now, it seems as if I'm just content to cruise along enjoy my time. Seems like something that I should be worrying about.