I want to think

I miss the feeling of being intelligent, to be pondering about philosophical issues and to wrestle with meaning and definition of abstract concepts.

I'm just a bloody robot now who mainly slaves at routine work, or struggles unsuccessfully to design good lessons.

Calling parents

Man I hate to talk to parents on the phone. I think it stems from the fact that unless I'm calling up friends, I really hate having phone conversations with strangers. You have to consider what you say real fast, and it really is a real pain to me. This is especially so when I have to talk to parents, when I have to be tactful at all times.

Calling them is bad, can you imagine how much worse it is for them to call me? Usually they are complaint calls, or calls from parents who want to find out where their kids are. In the latter case, you'll have to go run around school asking if anyone detained the class etc etc, then call the parent back again, a pure waste of time and energy. Can you imagine running up and down 4 floors and around the school just because of one call, and if you get several calls in a day?

But then, I have teachers around me who will compile lists of misbehaving students, or students who do not pay attention in class, and call up their parents one by one to talk about it. It's really amazing, this effort; I can't find any reason for doing that myself. I mean, what do you expect the parents to do? Scold them one more round at home (and make the kid bitter about you)? Offer advices on parenting or disciplining children? I think seeing parents twice a year during parent-teacher meetings is enough for me to dispense whatever advice I have for them, thank you.

Kids are kids la, if they are not well brought up they will just need daily reminders from you to keep in line. If the parents having been bringing them up well, what makes you think your phone-call intervention is going to help the situation?

Northern Exposure III

It was real exciting for me to attending this concert yesterday, to hear 3 of the Sibelius's best symphonies, including the penultimate 7th.

I bought fourth row seats, and it was really close to the stage. The first row is probably like a metre away from the violinists' feet, so I'm not too far away too. It was quite an interesting experience though, to hear and see the violins up close. Indeed, it is quite fascinating to see how Sibelius gave the parts to the different strings, and I got to hear many different sounds that my recording could not afford me.

The brass and the woodwinds came up from above the cloud of stringed voices, and I had to pay special attention to them to catch their moments. The horns were quite impressive, and they surmounted the technical challenges well to deliver a tremendous sound.

I didn't exactly take to Lim Yau's interpretations, but it was a great experience still. I haven't been going for concerts for quite a while already, and needed performances like these to remind me that the live experience is still worth going for.

Priorities

Was just thinking a friend after badminton that I have no time to seriously consider my new place's renovation plans, and he thinks I should re-prioritise the things I spend time on.

It has been at the back of my mind, but I could never force myself to consider it seriously...abandon my weekly sports sessions to do other things.

I go for them religiously because I'm quite positively addicted to them. It just feels shiok, and it is nice to be able to look forward them whenever I am swamped with work. It motivates me to finish my stuff fast so that I can go play in peace.

But yah, I'll get 3-4 hour of time on certain weekdays if I forego my sessions and spend the time planning for my new place seriously. That is, of course, if I can concentrate solely on that and not end up doing other things like school work or netsurfing...

So many things to do...planning colours, materials, layout, furniture...finding and deciding on contractors etc etc. I will be busy with school all the way till end November, and it'll be too late to start thinking about these then!

Sigh...even if I want to give up something...what will it be?

A great Saturday

I had a great day yesterday enjoying myself with different activities. And guess what, towards the end of it I unwittingly dampened my mood by thinking of my next work week and making myself anxious for no good reason. Nonetheless, it was a good day of boating, shopping and eating!

My polo juniors have to conduct an orientation session for a camp, and I took the chance to go playboating at the dive pool. We took some nice clear shots of us playing from underwater, and it looks really interesting. Here a clip of my roll after a failed floop attempt.



And here is an underwater view of a party trick in action.



After a back-breaking session, we had lunch and took the train across the island to go for the Library book sale. It was really cool, $1 for each book! Found quite a few paddling books too, but it all adds up to only 10 books in the end for me.

Finally, it was dinner at Din Tai Fung before watching The Dark Knight. Can someone enlighten me on these points?

1. Why can't Batman just let the Joker fall to his death? That will be the end of further mischief from him. After all, it's a war out there, and many good men have been sacrificed already as it is.
   
2. Why does that stupid police officer have to post himself in the interrogation room with the Joker after Batman left?
3. Why does Batman have to shoulder the blame for the people that Harvey Bent killed? No one knew who did it anyway, and the police can easily attributed it to any of the bad guys.

It was good overall, but I think there's too many minor climaxes scattered in the story, such that there is no culminating scene to end it all. It was a little anti-climatic to have the story end with Harvey being bumped off the building.

Are we missing out on life?

When is the last time yelp out a shout of joy?

When you couldn't sleep in excited anticipation of a great experience?

Shouldn't we live for epiphanic moments?

NUS

After some silly training course today at the NTU Alumni clubhouse (which is at Buona Vista, not NTU), I went over to NUS to have lunch. I miss the Japanese food store at Science faculty, and 3 years since I graduated, the store has been taken over by another vendor, but my food was nice still.

I don't miss NUS per se, but the memories I have of my studies and stay there is indelible. Strangely, the most poignant thing I can remember is of myself walking alone all around the campus. Going to Arts faculty from my residence, traversing the multitude of stairs scarring the landscape. Taking the bus to Science faculty or NUH just for the food. Wandering up and down among the library shelves alone for hours.

Especially in my last year, solitude is the most significant thing that I experienced. I spent countless hours cooped up in my room facing my laptop, doing work, surfing around the net, and listening to music endlessly. Most people work till late at night, and I was no exception, churning out essays or cramming for exams till daybreak. And I spend many hours too among the fascinating books in the library, sometimes devouring books on my research list but often also browsing books on disparate subjects out of interest. I am just as likely to borrow books on literary criticism as essays on music and the arts, or sociological texts.

But there were much fun moments with ODAC people too, and it was intellectually exciting for me to conceive and plan for a great presentation for my literature modules - I can even get insomnia thinking about my presentation the next day! I made new friends in my lit honours class, and we hang out together at the Arts canteen sharing insider jokes and talk arty-farty about the latest critical theory terminology bandied around the tutorial room.

Those were the days.

Moving on...

A close friend of mine in the polo team just decided to move on in life and pursue other activities. Now it seems like I'm the only one among the seniors who is willing to stay on to develop and play with the team.

He was a player with great vision. He could assess game play and come up with countering tactics, devise set attack plans for us to develop our attacking skills repertoire, and have a commanding presence on the water. During competitions, he could point out the strategies of the other team and suggest ideas to mess up their play. I was most impressed with his vision in a training match when we played against the junior team and their coach (a national player). He was holding the ball as the playmaker, while I drifted in and inexplicable decided to try screening off the coach playing outside defence. Coupled with a successful tackle-overload, a goal was scored. He paddled by and applauded my move, and I was amazed that he actually noticed my action and how it created the scoring opportunity - that is how sharp he is in his vision of the playing field.

I saw him yesterday night on the streets, and asked him about coming down; he said it's time he moved on to try new things in life. I felt a sense of loss then, to see a player leaving the team, though it is an inevitable decision that has to happen some time. It is sad that we have to give up things in life to move on, and I wonder when will it be my turn to do the same.

I think when the new batch of juniors come in in August I'll be motivated to be down to coach them. I'll carry on my playing career as long as this current team stays intact.

The joy of coaching

I taught a 13 year old to do hand rolls! As mentioned previously, it's a joy for me to teach paddling to my kids the way I want it, and after getting them to do lots of hipflick exercises, I got them going into trying paddle rolls. 2 of them managed to perform the brace roll on the 3rd day, and after demonstrating the hand roll to them in the last half hour of the course, I thought, heck it's probably easy enough too. The 13 year old tried twice and got it afterwards, with a back-lying recovery. His senior could only get used to the forward recovery style I have been teaching all the way, and couldn't make himself lie back, but he's almost on the way to performing the much harder forward-recovery handroll too!



It reminds me of the joy of coaching paddling again - I will want to do more such courses again!

Hope

Is it in everyone to always hope for something better than their current realities?

Yesterday the week started after a long weekend with Youth Day giving us a day's break more. But I spent those 3 days coaching my kids in paddling. I was quite happy doing the course with my buddies, having meals with them and working together, and also for the fact that I was coaching an advanced class where I can have a free hand in the program and not make myself teach to a syllabus. I am proud that by the 3rd day, 2 of my students could do hand and paddle rolls, and everyone gained much water confidence and had fun throughout too.

But ultimately, it was draining for me. I reached home feeling lethargic and slept very early each day. I had to face this week with minimal work done throughout the weekend. It was with a sense of dread that Tuesday came round. Things went smoothly and jobs done on time upon demand, but still my mind could not rest and gain satisfaction. Always, the anxiety of living at such a fast pace and juggling so many things leaves me edgy.

Overall, it seems that there are not many days in my job when I did not try looking into the future to see if there is a better path to take in a few years' time. I need to know that I'm slaving for something better. Already, it has been long since I sought self-improvement for myself in terms of upgrading my skills or gaining new experiences.

I don't want to let my time drain away doing petty things daily. We all can do more to help ourselves and others! I want to believe...

I want my food!

I hate the days when I can't even find time to eat proper lunch, and unfortunately most of the days are like this. You are busy till school ends and even then you will still be busy. Meetings are the more irritating things to go for, and they can call them whatever they like (contact time, sharing sessions etc), but they are mostly time-wasting affairs. A lot of days, there's no food left to buy at the canteen by the time I have time to eat.

Teaching is so unhealthy for you. You lose your voice, get high blood pressure, stand for far too long, have reduced sleep and rest, and don't eat proper and regular meals.