Online File Transfer

yousendit.com is passé, check out this new list of online file transfer sites!

Hypocrisy

Like it or not, becoming a mature adult means learning to be a hypocrite. It means having to smile and act civilly to people you don't like. Of course, civil behaviour is expected most of the time from people, and one doesn't feel an intense dislike even for obnoxious people most of the time when meeting them; but still, you know you're hypocritical when you smile and talk politely to these people. Other instances will be when you do things which you personally don't endorse, which I think many teachers often do because teachers are supposed to be rather saintly role models but we all know that teachers are also only human.

A hatred of hypocrisy can explain my candid upfront attitude (often also read as being intolerably rude) with most things. Inside myself, I just can't force myself to do certain things that I disagree with, either unethical or dishonest actions or dealing with people whom I dislike. I especially hate people who are senior in age or position but who act in less-than-exemplery fashions, and will spare them no criticism if the chance arises, to hell with courtesy and respect. These people lose more of my respect exactly because of their seniority, and the latter is not going to earn them immunity from my barbs.

Despite being berated by people around me for being too honest often, I'm adamant that I'm not going to change this about myself. I think it's damn sickening for a teacher to be a hypocrite, and all for what? Leave people with a better impression? Heck... if I can't live with my own hypocritical actions, I don't really care about what people think about me.

Trip planning

Planning two big trips simultaneously while trying to study for an exam 2 days away is really tough to say the least. I couldn't not take the lead in the planning for either my 10 day paddling trip to Tioman or my 20+ day trek in Sikkim, that's for sure; just being involved by staying in the know and helping to make decisions can kill off my time already.

Two very different trips, two very different sets of concerns. The latter involves endless net surfing for best prices of tickets, checking out dates of departures and arrivals for the different forms of transport so that they all transit nicely, looking for value-for-money accomodations, and evaluating about ten different transport arrangements. The former is more concerned with essential stuff like food planning, tranportation of kayaks, cooking needs, water replenishment, daily paddling mileage etc. More exciting to think about as we're supposed to be entirely self-sufficient without a land crew, and aiming to paddle long hours everyday to reach our objective.

It is siong stuff like these that really invigorates me - plans that requires a small flight of imagination, hours and hours planning its execution, and which will bring me a hell lot of thrilling moments when the dreams become reality.

"Would you...would you dance with me?"

Went to watch Burn the Floor this afternoon, and it was quite a mesmerising experience. The different dances just went on and on, well-synchronised to the music, and you just gawk at the shaking bodies on stage from start to end. I mean, these people can really shake any parts of their body any way they like, move around the stage with confident steps, wind and unwind themselves with their partner with balance, and throw in the occasional acrobatics for kicks...

I miss dancing... not the 'cheonging' kind where people try to sway around to rhythm, but my dance class in PE. We weren't very good at all, often look very silly trying to 'shimmer' our shoulders or hopping around with coordination, but it's all very fun (the sillier the funnier) and a really great activity to mix people. It must be great to know how to dance as an art, to move with balance and poise, look and feel good to have a special chemistry with people you dance with, and most importantly to express exuberant happiness in a physical way.

In contrast, I only read modern literature for a large part of my life, most of which are written by people who only knows how to express the most poignant and profound forlornness and despair.

Taxi!

Suntec City, the busiest shopping mall in city hall, has several taxi stands and lines of people queuing up for cabs. Not a suprising fact right? But look at it closely - why is there a queue at all?

1. Too many people wanting a comfortable ride home?
2. Overzealous shoppers end up with huge baggages?
3. Too few taxis in town?

Was in the queue outside the convention hall just now, and the queue moved only because people left it when the cab that they booked came. Yes, for like 20 mins, there was not one cab available to pick people off the queue, every single taxi that came was 'On call'. Strange isn't it, no cabs in the area but they arrive the moment you call for them.

The answer? Cos the cab drivers are all hiding just round the corner at Republic Boulevard, just waiting to pick up the booking and appear almost instantaneously when summoned. Can someone get the New Paper reporters to do a scoop on this and bust their operation? Jian!

Sports electives in PESS

Here are the sports electives that we PE students have to choose from:

Rugby or Basketball
Swimming or Gymnastics
Badminton or Volleyball
Track & Field or Dance
Soccer or Netball
Hockey, Tennis or Softball

A few random thoughts on these choices...

1. There isn't much use in learning things like swimming cos we'll still not be qualified to teach swimming in the future.
   
2. If our rich independent school is serious about tennis, they will have employed proper coaches. If your school just play masak-masak tennis, we wouldn't need to take a course on it.
3. Why are some 'Core' Singapore sports like table tennis and sailing, or 'merit' sports like sepak takraw and cuesports not in the list? (thought I can imagine the logistic problems haha)
4. PE teachers should spend 3 years instead of 2 in NIE so that we can take all these modules instead of having to choose one or the other :p
   

A week of paddling

Did 5 consecutive days of coaching in the weekdays and today was dragged out to paddle at sea again and still played canoe polo at night...what the hell right. I haven't coached a course that challenged me to design it entirely for a very long while, so the change was indeed refreshing. Everyone did well as expected, well-challenged by the course and learning lots from it I hope. I personally learnt a few more things that I can try out with other classes too, so all in all I'm glad I went to the trouble to organise it for the folks in school.

Peteris Vasks...

...my new composer idol! Loved his Grāmata čellam (Book for Cello) which I heard at the Yong Siew Toh Conservatory Cellissimo concert just now, startlingly dramatic, stark and eerie at times, frighteningly violent at other moments, and no matter how you take to the piece, there's no way you can ignore its power over you in a live performance. I was so glad I took a chance on him and bought his violin-orchestral works CD a few months back, and having loved what I heard there, I'm delighted to be entranced by his music again tonight. Hearing it in the middle of the programme really spoilt the rest of the night for me - everything else sounded so quaint and trivial after that.

Love as tragedy

Saw the movie poster for Tristan and Isolde today on the streets, and the idea popped into my mind that the root cause of almost all tragedies is love. No other emotion can stir the human heart so, prompting it to do incredible (sometimes incredibly stupid) things, and creating tremendous and overreaching consequences that will persist through generations (like getting shotgun kids). And that is why the tale of Tristan and Isolde, and the whirlwind overture Richard Wagner wrote that languishes and laments and very reluctant comes to an orgasmic closure, and adaptations of the story in the medium of our day, still stays with us.

Though love can be incredibly touching, tragic, almost inhuman in its poignancy, isn't it absurd that it can also at the same time means a whole lot of other things at the other range of the emotional spectrum, and be totally banal? Ah! so ist die lieb!

Shortened fuse

These days my temper is really easily stirred - vulgarities count is going up, smiles have become much rarer. Fuck the disorganised mess of things around me, the stupid events forcing me to reshuffle my schedule, and myself for letting all these fucked up my life. So many stupid people think too much about their silly little projects to demand my limited time, that I should just be an arrogant asshole and ask them to screw it and not bother me with their trivialities.

Criticism

Prompted by comments from my classmates in an msn chat yesterday night, I wrote a page of (negative) feedback for a lecturer and sent out the page to our class's mailing group. To my surprise, one of my classmate actually replied and said that it is "a bit cruel" and asks rhetorically if we are sure we want to hurt him. A few others came up to me in person and remarked the same thing too. Suddenly, I can't help feeling like a petty villian, though I know their comments are innocent.

Now, all of us know he sucks big time and most of us dislike him. So why the about-turn in attitude when I started the ball rolling in appraising him? Are my classmates concerned about his future? Or just too decent and don't want to drag someone down into mud? Or am I really too cruel? Well, none has said that my appraisal of his performance is false, so it must be an issue about political sensitivity then, or perhaps a fear of the possible repercussions. But why bother doing false feedbacks? And shouldn't teachers welcome honest criticism, since they are most often the one doing the criticizing?

His performance is so poor that I cannot stand by and let it pass without at least an honest feedback. To do nothing will be to compromise the principles that I live by as a teacher, and which I think all teachers should live by too. I see myself as having the duty of trying to raise the standards of teaching within my own sphere of influence, and I can do nothing much but this. One has to accept judgment for one's actions, especially if feedback is invited.

Heck, I have no doubt that my feedback will do nothing but amuse the people reading it anyway. But I will hang on to the possibility that this can wake him up to be a teacher with a more balanced perspective towards teaching.

In defence of Manliness

This review of the book Being a Man is a good read, concurring with the author's idea that male chivalry can exist without the guys being chauvinistic. I stand by that at least - the females who don't fancy the idea can of course, reject the gesture. It can be irritating though, when I offer help to some female out of human kindness and it is regarded as an unwanted act of manly gesture. The women can likewise be big-hearted and generous too, and it's gratifying to see these gestures from the ladies.

Terrible teachers

Have you had teachers who...

- talk cock and come up with countless illustrations for one single point such that the whole lecture only needed 5 powerpoint slides, then at the end of the semester asks the whole group to come back for FOUR REMEDIAL LECTURES?

- discriminated against certain sports and people who play them, have nothing much to say every lesson and just repeat a few beaten-to-death points over and over again every session, yet demanded that you listen to his words of wisdom?

I do. Rest assured that I'll give them quality appraisals at the end of their nonsense.

Busy life

Haven't got much time to blog this week, anyone missed me?

After lesson on Tuesday, went down to People's Park to buy return tickets for Nepal. We could have got it at $700+, but then coming back there wasn't any cheap seats on the third week of June (I suppose all the families travelling with kids need to come back by then also), and so had to settle for more expensive tickets at just over $800. Went to Campers' Corner, bought a beanie for my head, a sleeping bag, paid for a pair of new Chacos that will come next week, and a waterproof map case. I can't wait to use the last item - just looking at it make me think of my upcoming paddling trip to Tioman.

Wednesday - Watched 'V for Vendetta' after lessons, was not a bad movie, but I'm a lousy critic so can't say much. I'm happy so long as it pander to my taste for action ha.

Thursday was spent studying for my dance test, horribly mindless memorisation of information. But pulled through the test splendidly today, and then played badminton, table tennis, and finally floorball just now, what an eventful day! It's a shame these days will be gone real soon...

Weekend's coming, I'm gonna be out and offline again. Polo, badminton, the works. Have a great weekend too!

Job done!

Woohoo! Assessment for sports have ended! Badminton assessment was easy, not much required, but an overdose of it is making my right shoulder and forearm aching horribly. Dance was tested in the morning, was drawn to be tested on 'La Bastringue', and managed to get good feedback for my performance. The semester's worth of hopping around makes my lateral metatarsals ache every morning I wake up and stand over them however.

Whatever...it's time to rest and recuperate!

A demanding career

Beside teaching colleges being blamed for the inadequacy of the education system, at a lower level it is surely clear to all that the teaching profession must be one of the most demanding job. On the one hand it seems that teachers are widely recognised as perhaps the most important role models tochildren and young adults (why else would any crimes or offensess committed by teachers be considered a scandalous incident?), yet teachers are hardly rewarded well enough for their difficulties.

Having to juggle administrative work, marking and setting assignments, planning lessons, providing counselling services, being virtuous role models, they face bureaucratic barriers in trying to solve problems differently, blame from parents for not doing the duties that the parents themselves neglected, and disrespect and apathy from students too young to know what's good for themselves. The pay hardly compensate well enough for such trauma, but for the promise of being remembered by some of the students in their future for teaching them some indelible lessons that will stay with them, I must resolve to try my best in this career.

Semester's end

The semester's coming to a close. The calender pages in my organiser get tossed out steadily, the few assignments left are manageable and negligible, and I'm gonna slowly move my stuff back home already. Soon the holidays will come, and I'll be spending the days happily, easily. Then comes a month of school attachment, and then back to school, taking lessons for a new subject, a living in a new room most probably, if I do get one. I can see endless group projects coming my way, the disgusting need to negotiate my way in classroom/group politics, and myself sweating in the sun playing football and netball. Late dinners, late nights. A tiredness that will leave me paralysed at my seat.

Strangely, I rather not have the semester end at all.

'Whadya lookin at?"

Cats have so much character, sometimes I think they are more 'attitude' than people...

Schooling angst

Imagine, I'm gonna go out to teach and here I am being so angsty about school work. I'm like "Fuck it all! I don't give a damn what grade I get so long as I pass!!" And I think not many people can tell me why I should work hard in NIE anyway. Next time how to convince my students to work hard?

Probably the assumption of roles dictates the attitude; you just wanna slack as a student and get kids to study hard when you're a teacher or a parent. And it's just unfortunate some things in school really pisses me off to no end. Thank goodness I'm teaching PE and Literature - even though the latter is examinable, exams are never the be-all and end-all for that subject.

Yes I know I sound like a bloody spoilt brat. But it's nice to throw a tantrum sometimes.

Irritating day...

Today irritated me to no end, perhaps starting with my lack of sleep.

- Badminton class: Played my table's final match with Sher Chong, with lunch in my stomach still and my strokes strange and unfamiliar, hardly able to keep up a rally beyond 4-5 returns. Played nonetheless, and hit the shuttle out of court so often that I gifted him with straight points. Strings were so loose I had to align them after every point, and halfway through the string broke. Lost to him eventually 14-9; all credits to him for his composure, but I know I can do so much better.

- Talking about the camp after that made me irritated again - I'm pissed to no end with people asking me to plan for an activity when they have no idea what they want out of it themselves. Gonna just crap out a plan and execute it, good riddance. This PESS camp is a screwed up idea. I can't wait to hear what they are gonna teach us for the lectures.

- Having done an hour of crapping for the anatomy lab manuals, I discovered that there is a third manual which I missed and didn't do. I'm already fed up with having to do everything in the manuals which she did not go through with us, and now there's even more? Fuck it. I handed up what I had and refuse to print and copy answers for the 3rd lab.

Thankfully Qin Li-Wei's cello recital was worth my time, and he generously played 3 encores after the already substantial programme. Bravo!